{alesiayong.blogspot.com} Live.Laugh.Love

Sweet child of mine

2012-02-01T10:20:00.001+08:00

Tummy time again

2012-02-01T09:38:00.001+08:00

Jocelyn at 2 months, 4 weeks old getting better with tummy time

Super Quick Update

2012-01-30T23:38:00.001+08:00

Tomorrow night would be our third week staying at our new place. Still in the midst of unpacking and settling down hence explains why I haven’t been blogging much lately because on top of all the house moving activity Jocelyn keeps me occupied all the time. We had a hard time trying to get her to take naps during the day until finally we realized she sleeps better (and longer!) on her tummy two days ago. Before this she would wake up after 5 minutes of snooze time and I have to spend the next 30 minutes trying to get her back to sleep with her wailing and fussing. So hopefully it stays that way , I mean her sleeping better on her tummy otherwise it’s going to be really tough for me trying to juggle everything.

And talking about my little girl, boy is she getting bigger! She’s turning 3 months old in a weeks time and she is weighing at a healthy 6.5 kilograms. Well probably by now she’s put on a few more grams since her paed appointment a week ago. Things are much more interesting with her getting better in interacting with us. She would cooed back at us each time we talk to her and she’s such a cheerful little thing. Here are a few pictures of her at 2 months old.

It’s That Time of The Year Again..

2012-01-01T09:26:00.001+08:00

Whoa!!Can’t believe we are almost 10 hours into 2012 already! Didn’t catch the fireworks countdown with hubs and Ashley this year like we always do as Jocelyn’s still too young to be out at such late hours. But both Jocelyn and I had our own countdown at home while the other two was out, she stayed up with me till the clock struck midnight, I gave her smooches and she smiled happily before having her feed and dozing off into slumberland. Such a nice way to end 2011 and step into 2012!

As I read my post at the start of 2011, I’m slightly disappointed that we didn’t get to achieve the most important goal which is to move in to our own place this year. Well honestly when it comes to house renovation there’s so much we can do and most of it are just beyond of our control. And also plus the fact that our contractor isn’t exactly the best man for the job. Poor hubby has been running around handling most of the house stuffs on his own while I was busy with my very own project. But I’m just glad and relieved that things are over and we finally get to move in 2 weeks time! Keeping fingers and toes crossed things would go as planned.

Gosh! am having a tough time trying to recall 2011. Is it really then that the year has passed by in a blur? Well 2011 wasn’t filled with lots of eventful highlights compared to 2010 as I took a break from my job (miss that place heaps!)to focus on the pregnancy, but 2011 was nice nevertheless despite minor hiccups. Ashley started attending kindergarten and I must say I’m so proud of her. She’s really independent for someone her age and although she’s not exactly book smart – she’s lazy when it comes to writing – I’m just very happy she excels in other areas like public speaking – she went up on stage and recite a couple of lines!( I should really find time to sit down and showcase her pictures and videos of 2011). She still needs some work done on her tantrums though, sigh can’t help it when she’s the only child in the family but hoping things would change once we moved out cos then she’s got to learn to help around the house.

Things are a little slow on my other blog, hardly had the time to update it BUT my little business has been thriving thanks to the support of friends and family. Received a few orders for brownies and I even tried my hands on decorated cakes. Shamelessly proud to say my decorating skill is getting better with each order! So hopefully with a new built in oven and my own cooking plus baking area I can finally have a proper home based business.

And how can I possibly leave out the most important event of 2011 – our second girl! Jocelyn Erin. I can’t thank the stars in heavens and Kuan Yin Ma enough for blessing us with another child. It was such a pleasant surprise when I saw the two lines and life has never been the same again since then. Having a baby when you have a 4 year old is very challenging but it’s a challenge I happily took on.

Looking back, sure 2011 wasn’t filled with lots of happenings as I wish it had but it’s still an amazing year nonetheless. Met new people, being pregnant for the second time, having my own business and all this while being surrounded by supportive husband and loving family. Yeap it’s been truly an amazing year and my wishes for 2012? Well for starters moi, a hot body! LOL ok ok in a better context a healthier and fitter me so that I can keep up with my two girls and lots business opportunities. For my hubby – to have a great career (so that I can continue being a stay at home mom. heheh). For my family and friends to stay healthy and be surrounded by loved ones throughout the year. I foresee it’s going to be a challenging 2012 but I’d say bring it on!

Cooing away

2011-12-30T17:16:00.001+08:00

Guess I have another mini chatterbox in the house, after Ashley hehehe

Playtime with Miss Daisy

2011-12-21T21:14:00.001+08:00

Lately little Jocelyn spends most part of the day awake hence I have to do things with great haste because she doesn’t like to be left alone (read; she wants to be carried all the time!). Luckily this little dolly keeps her occupied while I take my showers or do a quick cleaning up of the room. She’s just fascinated by the bright colors and sounds the dolly makes when shaken. And Miss Daisy used to belong to Ashley, looks brand new eh. Although it’s good for 5 minutes or on lucky days I'd get 10 minutes but better having her fuss the moment I put her down.

And here’s the video of her playing with Miss Daisy

Pictures of her taken at 6 weeks old.

It’s tummy time!

2011-12-16T08:12:00.001+08:00

{Lil Jocelyn, 4 weeks 6 days old ‘talking’ her sister}

Tummy time helps with both fine and gross motor development so we did some tummy time session when she’s 4 weeks old. At first, she wasn’t moving much still oblivious that she’s now on her tummy instead of on her back, after a few minutes just lying on her tummy we decided to wait for a few days before trying again. Although I did managed to capture her cooing and even smiling! We were supposed to do it after a few days apart but as always got caught up with other daily activities that we only get to have another session when she’s 5 weeks old. And this time she managed to lift her head and even tried to turn to the other side! Bravo my little Jocelyn!!

*****************************************

How she’s doing so far at 5 weeks old

Motor Development

Opens and shuts her hands.
Raises her head and chest while lying on her stomach
Stretches her legs out and kicks when lying on stomach or back.
Mouths objects brought to her face.
Pushes down on legs when feet are placed on a firm surface.

Visual Development

Watches faces intently.
Turns head toward direction of sound.
Follows moving objects with her eyes.

Language Development

Grunts, gurgle.
Begin to babble.

Social/Emotional Development

Smiles! Grins!

Cognitive Development

Stares at her hands and fingers.
Has accustomed to regular eating and sleeping patterns.

Coos, grunts, gurgles oh my

2011-12-08T23:39:00.004+08:00

My little Jocelyn turns one month today and I’ve been relishing every single moment with her. Although I could do with some extra snooze time, yeap you heard it right. This mama who used to stay up for more than 48 hours without sleep preparing for her little girl’s birthday party actually wished for some extra hours ok minutes! to sleep. Jocelyn’s sweet and I can pretty much catch her cues – sleep, feed, diaper change – but hey when you have a preschooler at the same time it can be quite overwhelming. Especially when she hit her growth spurt at 3 weeks old. Boy didn’t they say the stomach of a newborn is just the size of a marble? How is it possible for a little person wanting to nurse every hour? Next it’s the fussing, baby girl I know you’re still adjusting to the new life outside of the womb and mommy’s doing the best to help you to adapt to this new life with us but each time you give me this faint cheeky smile and stopped fussing the moment I carried you, just make me wanna spank your cute little bum bum for being cheeky then kiss that chubby cheeks of yours because you are so adorable!

I absolutely love the grunting sounds she makes when she sleeps, yes this angel of mine grunts. And she wriggles so much just like how she was inside of my womb. As I’m writing this she’s wriggling in her sleep and managed to wriggle from point A to point B in her crib. Even at month old, she has some personality she’s mighty feisty if I say so myself, if she wants something (usually milk) she wants it right away. No way she’s going to wait for me to take my own sweet time in getting ready for her to nurse and she’s strong! Even hubby said so whenever she kicks. Oh did I also mention she loves bathtime? She’d stopped crying the moment I put her in the bath and you can just see she enjoys being in the water, floating and smiling away.

So far she’s been hitting her milestones like vocalizing (making sounds like ohhh, ahhh), responding to familiar voices and sounds, look intently at our faces when we put ours near to hers, and I believe I caught her chuckling once or twice. And today we went for her monthly check up and immunisation/vaccination. As always took her weight and measured her height and so far she’s been on track. She’s gained 1.5 kg and shot up almost 10cm more than her birth height. She cried longer and ahem louder than her sister.

Overall she’s healthy, happy and well fed and that makes me a happy mama

5 in the morning

2011-12-04T07:42:00.002+08:00

You woke me up and I thought it’s time for your feed. Fumbling sleepily I tried to nurse you but you kept fussing around, figuring it could be your diaper I changed you. True enough you gave me the biggest grin once I put on a fresh clean diaper for you. Scooped you up in my arms and immediately you fell back to sleep with a smile on your cherub face, you looked so angelic.

As I looked at my soon to be a month’s old baby girl, I count my blessings for being able to go through this journey again. Sure it started off rocky then I have to deal with the leaky boobs that resembles a broken tap, waking up in the wee hours, trying to understand why is she fussing about and decoding what the cries meant. You would think I have it covered since I already went through this before with Ashley but it’s never the same. It’s a brand new learning experience. Someone in a forum said this “You can never graduate with a masters in motherhood, you go to class everyday.” How true.

When I first started breastfeeding, I went in unprepared thinking it’s something that will come naturally but I was quickly reminded nothing in life is easy. Having to deal with sore nipples, horrible engorgement, leaky boobs(why they have to leak!) and being frustrated with bad latching on, it’s a wonder I held on for 6 months. But I must admit, as the weeks roll by I was looking forward to Ashley turning to the legal age of being fed formula. I can finally get someone else to make the milk while I rest. But really I do blame it on myself for being kept busy with the wedding and putting less emphasize on parenting. Well that’s the price I got to pay for being a mother such a young age and not having the support that I have right now.

Having said that, I do miss the bonding time with Ashley while breastfeeding.. It’s really beautiful watching your child suckle and be so at ease, so trusting lying on your bosom. And then ~~drunkard~~ contented look afterwards, It’s something that you can never replicate with bottles hence this time around I’m determined to persevere to at least a year. And crossing my fingers I would never have to use the bottles.

Ah, my little girl is stirring up from her sleep and this time I think it’s really time for her feed

2 weeks old

2011-11-23T21:57:00.002+08:00

Our sweet little girl turned 2 weeks old yesterday and so far all of us are coping well with the new addition in our lives. I still can’t believe I’m doing this all over again – waking up every 3 hours or so at night for her feed and diaper change, caring after a newborn, trying to understand her cries and at the same time looking after a preschooler. It was overwhelming and to a point exhausting especially during the first few days after I got back from the hospital since I was recuperating from caesarean. Luckily I can still manage despite having a vertical surgery wound instead of the norm, horizontal.

Ashley so far hasn’t shown any jealousy towards her little sister, if anything she’s one sweet, loving sister always kissing Jocelyn, holding her little hands. Just that it’s not easy for her to understand that when mommy’s busy attending to her little sister’s needs, I can’t play with her and sometimes she’ll throw a fuss about it. But I’m trying to spend time with her while Jocelyn naps. I hope to establish some kind of routine with the eldest once baby’s much older and of course once we move to our own place.

As for Jocelyn, a week after her birth she actually gained weight! From 3.74kg at birth she put on a good 500gram within the first week! Even her paediatrician was mildly surprised when the weighing scale showed 4.2kg because usually babies will lose weight after being born before gaining weight. Guess she’s really absorbing the nutrients in my breastmilk eh?

And for the mommy well I’m back to my pre pregnancy self although it’s nothing to shout about because I was overweight before I got pregnant but I’m hopeful that I’d be able to lose weight with breastfeeding. And after the visit to my gynae the other day, he said my wound has healed well and I’m allowed to go about with my daily activities but advised to go easy on exercises involving the abdominal. Right now I’m just counting down the days when I’m finally allowed to go out and run errands (and eat anything but sesame oil and ginger)

The arrival of our second princess

2011-11-18T16:32:00.001+08:00

It’s been more than a week now since I last wrote and so much has changed since. It’s scary how fast time flies huh. And yes I’ve given birth to a healthy baby girl and loving every single moment with her. The whole birthing even though not my ideal birth experience, went well despite all the negativity surrounding caesarean deliveries.

So anyway after signing off the pc, I went back for a quick nap and woke up just in time to make pancakes for my little girl. I got teary eyed thinking after this I would spending less time with my firstborn and wasn’t looking forward to the days I would be spending at the hospital without her. We sent her to school and told her when she comes over the hospital after school, her meimei would be out to greet her. With a heavy heart I bid her goodbye while at the same time it beats super fast en route to the hospital.

Reached the hospital just slightly after 9 and checked into the admission office to finalize the necessary paperwork. After everything’s been sorted out we were escorted to my room for the next few days. To be honest, the hospital really need some upgrading works done as the facilities isn’t top notch anymore. So anyway once I was in the room, the nurses came and prep me for the surgery (shaving, enema and all) I was getting very nervous as they got down all my details, and kept asking me what’s the horoscope for the baby. Eh? It seems most couples who choose elective caesarean deliveries would have their preferred time of birth. Me? I just told them anytime between 11 and 3 is fine by me. So I waited, and waited, and wished I could eat something and almost snatched the piece of bread off hubby’s hand. Everytime I hear the sounds of wheels coming closer, I sat up on my bed and told my husband this is it, it’s finally happening! But it wasn’t. Close to 11, a female doctor whom I thought was the nurse came in and brief me on epidural, turns out she was , well supposed to be my anaesthetist. And the waiting continues.

Finally at noon, the OP nurses came and said it’s time. Hubby would have to wait in the lounge outside of the OP while they prepare me for the surgery. To be honest I felt really miserable when they wheeled me into the OP leaving my hubby outside. And suddenly this male doctor stood next to me and told me the female anaesthetist had to go elsewhere due to some reason. I wasn’t pleased and didn’t really digest what he was telling me, all those medical jargons. Plus he wasn’t smiling.

12.15pm , they got me onto the surgery table, asked me to loosen my hospital gown while he administer the epidural and all this was going on with hitz.fm blaring in the background. Pitbull’s Rain on Me was playing while I was thinking ‘ they are going to cut me open soon’ .

The procedure wasn’t that painful but I cried, I just couldn’t help it. It was really overwhelming sitting on the table watching the nurses bustling around preparing the tools for my surgery and the delivery of my little girl while epidural was administered into my spinal. My anaesthetist kept asking if it’s the pain while a nurse came and held me close trying to console me. I told him no it’s not the pain, just felt very overwhelmed. Another nurse passed me a gauze for my tears. I felt so vulnerable. As they laid me down, hubby came in and he asked me if I’m alright. I kept telling him I can still feel my legs but it was tingling. Then the shaking came, my teeth was chattering but I didn’t feel cold. I was warned about this but didn’t expect it to be that bad. Even hubby got scared at the sight of me shaking like that. Oxygen mask had to be put on me because I was having difficulty breathing, not sure if its panic attack or because I was lying flat on my back and baby was still pretty high up. I was a mess, shaking and kept on sucking on oxygen while tears rolled down my cheeks. Hubby kept on apologizing to me that I have to go through all this. My anaesthetist was nice, he took over from the nurse the moment I started crying and held my other hand. He kept reassuring me it’s normal and that everything would be over soon.

Minutes later my gynae came and said it’s time. After what I thought was eternity, I heard my lil girl’s cries. I cried along with her, hubby had tears on his face while he went on saying ‘That’s Jocelyn, our girl is out!!’. They brought her to my cheeks and I gave her a quick peck on the cheeks before the nurse brought her to the cleaning table to clean her up. Hubby wanted to stay with me while they finish up with the surgery but I told him to go to Jocelyn, I would be ok I reassured him. My gynae said everything went well and I did great. I’m just glad everything is over.

As I waited in the recovery room alone I kept on asking the nurse in duty how long would I be in the room as I wished to breast feed my little girl soonest possible. Luckily she was patient with me harassing her every 2 minutes. 1.30pm I was wheeled into my room and I saw my hubby carrying my second child. I quickly asked to hold my girl and held her close to me before I feed her. Yes within the first hour of her arrival to the world and I was already breastfeeding her. Actually it would be much later because they need to give her all the necessary shots and a bath but boy my girl clearly made her stand, she was fussing and crying alot that the nurse asked my hubby to bring her to me for feeding.

It’s funny how I was dreading the idea of being cut open and yet after a week later I almost forgot the whole ordeal. And with Ashley even though it was a natural birth I didn’t get to bond with her immediately yet with Jocelyn despite not being my choice birth I bond with her almost right after the delivery.

{Hubby holding Ashley before handing her to me}

{Me + Jocelyn after her feed – yeap I looked pretty cheerful for someone who just had a major surgery}

{Jocelyn after her bath and shots}

My 9 day old girl

2011-11-17T13:22:00.003+08:00

{This was taken at 6 days old}

Today's the day

2011-11-08T06:46:00.000+08:00

Finally the day we all are waiting for has arrived! If everything goes as planned, we would be meeting Baby J at noontime. Frankly, I'm feeling quite overwhelmed right now, anxiety, excitement, anticipation, fear, how can someone possibly feel so much different emotions all at once just baffles me.Oh and I'm feeling slightly sleepy right now after having to wake up at 4 in the morning earlier. Been waking up at that hour almost everyday since the past week.

Yesterday was a pretty miserable day for me, had food poisoning and I just refused to see the doctor knowing they would surely admit me for the night. I promised Ashley that we would be sending her to school and make her some pancakes before I check in the hospital at 9am so I wouldn't want to disappoint her. Plus I haven't finish packing the last minute stuffs before going to the hospital today. So I bear with all the pains and discomfort while quickly re-set up the cot, my hospital bag, leave instructions to the maid on housechores etc but the food poisoning was pretty bad because I couldn't keep anything inside, I even puked water. So reluctantly I went to the hospital after dinner,luckily the doctor at the ER said there's no need to be admitted or be on drips, gave me a jab in the butt and sent me home. At least I get to spend one more night with my firstborn before her lil sister comes out.

Lots of things to say but mind's too sleepy to type them out, anyway do wish us a safe and smooth delivery yea. And the next time you see me it would be on the arrival of Baby J :)

xoxo
Alesia

It's been decided

2011-11-03T09:44:00.001+08:00

If baby J doesn't spring up a surprise on us this week, we would be meeting her on the 8th of November. It took us quite a while to accept the fact that despite what I do in ensuring that we would have a natural delivery, baby J just doesn't want to come out that way we wanted to after meeting the doctor yesterday morning. I was tossing and turning on the bed the entire night thinking about it. At week 39 I'm still not dilated far enough and baby J is still very high up. I know EDD is merely just an estimation and you can go way past week 40 into week 42, but with subsequent pregnancies didn't they say baby tend to appear earlier? Well it's the case for most mothers I know at least. And even though with all the signs (menstrual cramps, bad backaches, achy butt, swelling feet) for weeks now, still she's not ready.

And hubs has to report to work for the new job on the 14th so no way we can wait till that long, I need him to be with me should I go into labor and baby J is nearing the 4kg mark. As much as I believe in women being able to birth naturally no matter how heavy your baby is still it's like playing Roulette. So with a heavy heart we decided to opt for caesarean section this coming Tuesday. I admit I was being really unfair when I doubt my hubby's involvement when it comes to making decision for the baby. I refused to understand the extreme stress he's under trying to get things going for us, it's really a trying time for him and me right now - a new house, a new baby, him having to give up a job he really like for another job that even though pays well there's not security or guarantee once the contract's up. And with his recent health scare, I really don't think it's fair to continue piling up more stuffs on his already overloaded plate. So after much deliberation and thoughts, I guess it's meant to be, we would be seeing baby J this Tuesday. Trying to be positive about it and slowly am getting very excited about meeting her finally.

I am very grateful for the support other mommies have been giving to me especially encouraging me to go for natural delivery, I tried my best, I was and still am very positive about it but I suppose you just have to go with the flow or current circumstances. Right now I'm going to prep myself with info on gentle caesarean section delivery, I no longer can control the path she comes into the world but at least I can make it enjoyable and memorable for her :)

Something I got from a book last night and it came just in the right time

Remember that the best birthing plan is the one that results in a safe delivery for you and baby. So if circumstances dictate a change — whether in location, atmosphere, even birthing position — try not to be discouraged. Focus on the positives — like looking in your newborn's eyes and welcoming her into the world.

Any moment now......

2011-10-25T08:51:00.002+08:00

.....I hope. Times like this sometimes makes me feel like a failure being a mom and a woman. Despite being pregnant for the second time, I still can't tell the signs I've been having is a sign of me going into labor. Nesting instincts, feeling the baby at the lower part of my abdomen, frequent tightening for the past few weeks, all being refuted by my gynae who tells me nope, baby's not engaged yet and no no signs of labor.

I'm tired, I'm frustrated, I'm upset, I'm disappointed, I'm restless - all the negative vibes seems to surround me this few days. Please don't come and tell me to hold hands and think of happy thoughts. I have been thinking of happy thoughts so much that it's rubbing off me in a bad way. I've been trying to hold it together but it's so overwhelming and there's so much you can do when your moral support failed you. Ashley's been quite ill since last weekend and I've been taking of her while trying to keep myself afloat, as always she's a gem. She'd ask if I'm alright and checked on me every now and then. I was so miserable last night, not sure if it's contractions or tummy upset or maybe both (see I can't even tell them apart) stabs of painfulness kept coming at me every 15-20 minutes or so yet no bloody show or water bag burst. She held my hands, or pat me on my arms and occasionally rub or caress my head. She's the reason I'm still able to hold on even though it's holding on to a very very fine thread of hope.

Again Caesarean section is the better solution right now given the current circumstances - baby's getting bigger (3.4kg), it's nearing the due date and no signs (the mister warns me he's not going to be there if I still stubbornly insists to just wait cos he has to report for a new job a few days later). Sometimes I wish people would leave me alone and just let me deal with all these myself, it's my body, my baby. I still don't understand why people would think going through Caesarean is still a better option as compared to having a natural vaginal delivery. Ello, I don't care the risk of complications after the surgery is far lower these days, it.is.still.a.surgery. A major one at that too mind you, woman's body is designed in such a way that we are able to give birth naturally UNLESS you have some life threatening situation then yes I agree to idea of having a surgery. Friends must be thinking that I'm an advocate of natural birth and nothing else, ok fine I'll admit to a certain degree, only a mother can understand what I'm going through right now, stepping into the next phase - motherhood by starting off in a way I've envisioned means so much to me. I was robbed of that experience when I first had Ashley, deep down inside I loathe myself not able to have the birth I wanted. 4 years down the road, I'm stoked to know that I'm expecting again, I feel like this is my second chance. To experience birth like how it should be. Never mind that the mister is less enthusiastic about our second baby, yes I was moaning and grunting the entire night and he tells me it's probably nothing. If this was a boy or first child he would have rushed me to the hospital in a heartbeat. Having the birth the way I wanted is the only control I have left over this pregnancy, at least I'm giving my baby the best I can in terms of welcoming her to the world.

Financial situation has affected our marriage in a huge way, already I'm such a low maintenance person. I mostly splurge on food, cooking ingredients for the family. I do understand the stress and difficulty he's going through trying to support the family but I wish he'd tackled it in a much better (and less hurtful) manner. I've lost count the number of times he goes ok you want it your way? Try natural and if it fails, caesarean, I'd just borrow money from my brother for the delivery then. It hurts alot that my birth is now weighing on our affordability (again natural delivery is so much cheaper!)

Maybe I should just resigned and let others dictate my life, sure cut open my stomach, take out my baby. Go ahead, do whatever you want to do.

Baby, mommy's sorry for failing you even when you're still in my tummy. I wish I can be stronger than this.

The Big Bad Wolf

2011-10-10T09:01:00.000+08:00

Nope, not Red Riding Hood’s big bad wolf but the most talked about book sales of the year! I first heard of this famous book sale last year but didn’t manage to go check it out. This year I told my hubby no matter what we should go even though it’s out of the way – the sale is held at Serdang (yea where?Serdang?) and I’m glad we went because the sales was superb! Books as cheap as RM3, magazines at RM1 and the most expensive book going only at RM25. We are talking about hard cover books here eh. I didn’t expect the magnitude of books available at the sales (they weren’t kidding about being the biggest book sale in the world) and were dizzy with choices that I was all over the place, should have planned my shopping before I go because I think I missed out some of the sections.

As we drove into the Malaysian Agro Exposition Park, Serdang (MAEPS), I was put off by the distance between the parking lot and the hall since I’m heavily pregnant plus a pre-schooler, I wasn’t happy that we have to walk. But was quickly put at ease when I saw the shuttle buses. Yeap, the have shuttle buses to ferry the shoppers from the parking lots to the hall. Since I wasn’t at the sales last year I couldn’t compare with this year’s sales but the organizer did a really good job controlling the crowd ensuring that shoppers have a pleasant shopping experience. You would need to queue before entering but the wait was a short one. Inside of the spacious well air conditioned hall, you don’t get the usual sales crowd; people clambering around trying to get their hands on the best deals/merchandises. Nope nothing of that sort, people were courteous and for once I didn’t utter my usual tagline ‘What’s your problem, man’ each time I get jostled at a sales (I’m not a fan of sales to be honest)

Of course they don’t carry all the latest titles but if you are a bookworm, like the three of us, a book is still a book and when they are cheap even better! I bought a lot of hardcover cookbooks because I find them more worth it since cookbooks sold at the usual bookstores is exorbitantly expensive, at least RM100 per book. The first book I choose the moment I stepped into the hall was Jamie Oliver’s Naked Chef! They were going at RM25 each! Everyone was grabbing this book and also Nigella Lawson’s Christmas books. If possible I wanted to grab all the cookbooks and magazines available but hubby mentioned that pretty soon I can open a library just on cookbooks alone. Ahh such subtle hint eh. I also grabbed some parenting books plus a few books for Ashley. Ok now less talk and more of the yummy pictures of the haul!

{A look at a portion of the hall}

{3 shopping bags full of books!}

{The haul!}

{Ashley loves this book so much!}

I’m actually itching to go again since the sales is till 16th October. hehehe. Oh ya, just some tips

- bring a shopping trolley or at least a shopping bag. There are boxes available for you to put in all your books but it can be quite a chore to lug the books around. You can drop off the boxes at the customer service for them to look after your choices but I prefer to hold on to my books. Plus you don’t have to carry the books after you’ve paid for it if you bring a trolley. Seasoned shopper actually brought luggage bags!

- Grab as many books you like and do the filtering later, save you time really. And you won’t be in the way of other bookworms.

- Don’t go during the peak hours, between early morning and afternoon.

- Go with a game plan! Or you’ll end up like me spoilt with choices.

- And have fun!

More details here {http://www.bigbadwolfbooks.com/}

Reciting her day

2011-10-10T06:19:00.001+08:00

Before we go to bed every night, she would always recite her day at school or sometimes the entire day to me. And this was the day she went for her very first school trip – a trip to the ostrich farm. It’s a routine we both love and hopefully when she gets older she would still recite her days to me

Almost there..

2011-09-30T09:15:00.000+08:00

….but not quite yet. At 34 weeks it’s like so near yet so far. Body’s been getting ready for the big day with me having menstrual cramps once in a while plus dull backaches. And I’ve been spending the past few weeks going through and washing Ashley’s old baby clothing and they are all over the house in containers! Pity the washing machine having to work overtime. I almost wanted to assemble the baby cot myself when hubby stopped me and said he’ll do it instead. Talk about having the nesting instinct!

Despite being pregnant for the second time this feels like my first, since Ashley’s birth was an induced labour plus vacuum aided delivery. I honestly regretted that I didn’t read up enough on the risks of being induced and rely heavily on doctor’s advice instead. Otherwise it would save me all the stress right now and enjoy my pregnancy completely. Not saying my pregnancy’s been a horrid experience, nope it’s very pleasant and great thus far. Just that with the previous birth now I’m a perfect candidate to go under the knife, yeap my gynae suggested that I should have a scheduled caesarean delivery at week 38 due to the complications we had during Ashley’s birth. And I am hoping she would come out earlier than week 38 so that we don’t have to undergo caesarean delivery.

Honestly after having two surgeries when I was younger – appendix and also to remove one of my fallopian tubes – lets say I’m not a fan of surgeries UNLESS it’s complete necessary or life threatening. The healing process takes longer, I still remember I couldn’t sneeze, laugh, cough otherwise my surgery wound would hurt. Urgh. Plus I have a pre-schooler to look after, it’s going to be tough if I were to have a caesarean delivery.

And the other day Ashley did this amazing thing,we were sitting at the edge of the bed and baby was squirming around so she placed her hands on my tummy. She loves to feel her lil sis move around (more than her daddy!!) and she gets really excited every time too, she asked if mei mei (little sister in Mandarin) is coming out soon, I thought she's referring to the number of weeks left so I said yeap soon darling. Suddenly to my utter surprise AND amazement, she kneeled in front of me and held her hands under me. She said ok mommy Ashley's ready, just push and mei mei will pop into my hands. Don't be scared ok, stomach pain abit only. I have NO IDEA where she gets it from! Occasionally we do view 3D videos of baby being inside my womb and the only time she watched a live birth video was during a hypnobirthing talk but it warms my heart tremendously that my girl thinks the only way a baby comes out into the world is through natural birth. Just gives me hope that I'm able to have another natural birth.

Week 30

2011-09-06T09:00:00.000+08:00

Today we went for the sort of monthly visit (for this pregnancy instead of seeing the doc monthly we’ve stretched it to once every 6 weeks sometimes 7 weeks) aside from saving cost, we kinda seasoned enough to know what’s going on monthly and don’t see the need to see him on monthly basis. I was very excited though, woke up at 4 in the morning and going through names for the little girl and also trying to get back on the routine after a week long of Merdeka Raya holiday.

Bubs no 2 was extremely active, even doc said so after trying to catch a clear snapshot of her in my womb. She was wriggling around, yawning (a few times mind you), rubbing her eyes etc. So different compared to her jie jie. I remembered Ashley was pretty zen last time, hardly any active movements like her mei mei. If possible, this second girl of mine can go on all day long, wriggling and rolling I mean. She’s growing well and doctor’s pretty happy with her growth thus far. She’s weighing at 1.5kg now.

After the scan, we again discussed the options and keeping fingers crossed I’m able to birth naturally. I’m not that keen to be cut up UNLESS it’s absolute necessary, don’t get me wrong I have nothing against caesarean and it’s one’s choice if she wants to have a caesarean delivery but for me, I frowned upon the idea having to determine how your baby should make his/her appearance into the world when there is no medical need to. And I’ve been reading up on natural birth after an induced labor (doc mentioned I had a case of shoulder dystocia which is why he suggested that I have a caesarean delivery but turns out if one has an induced labor, chances of having complications is higher than letting the birth process take place naturally) as much as I can and telling myself to be positive about everything. And thanks to the wonderful mommies I know through forum on FB, they have been helping me go through my doubts and fears by offering support, advices, opinions and their own personal experiences. Bless their kind souls! So again praying that baby no 2 knows what to do and cooperate with her mommy.

As for the mommy, me, I finally hit the 70kg mark. Feeling really disappointed even though my weight gain haven’t reach 10 kilos. Bumped into a dear friend the other day and she pointed out I still look pretty much the same except for the bump, good thing I suppose. I’m still going around doing the usual chores and daily stuffs without a sign of slowing down, well except when the tummy turns ROCK hard and I just have to take smaller, slower steps. I find it amusing though when people around me expects that I be lying down all the time at this stage of the pregnancy, how to when you’ve got a preschooler at home. Strangely, I feel much better throughout this pregnancy but I ain’t complaining

Week 30! A few weeks left to go!

Waddling into the Third Trimester

2011-08-21T10:00:00.000+08:00

Time sure waits for no man because I am now into my third trimester! I’m still reeling in the fact that I’m having a baby again and enjoying every single minute being pregnant and bam! I’m now 28 weeks along! Woohoo! It’s still early to call for a celebration but the past 6 months although was no a walk in the park nevertheless it’s not as tough as when I was having Ashley. I even got myself mentally and physically prepared for the morning sickness, the fatigue (well did suffer from it but not as bad), the mood swings (Ok this have to ask darling hubs, but I wasn’t crying as much as before I think), leg cramps (holy moly I actually didn’t suffer from leg cramps this time around, only had it twice or thrice so far! and it's not that bad to wake me up from my sleep sobbing) but lucky me so far everything’s ok. Just have to continue praying it’d stay the same till the day I popped.

Currently, the bubs is one super active baby OR my tummy’s getting a teeny wee cramped for her because I can see my tummy moving in every direction; left, right, centre. I’d even ooormph out loud sometimes, but I admit it’s very fun to watch her move despite slightly painful or uncomfortable especially when I’m sitting down. The last visit to the gynae was pretty much the same, baby’s growing well slightly above average and not sure if she’s one talkative baby or she’s eating because during the ultrasound scan she was opening and closing her mouth all the time! Ashley wasn’t like that, but boy, her little sister hehehe so cute la seeing her open and close her mouth, as if she’s talking to us OR eating.

And I guess I’ve been a naughty mama because I’ve gained 3 kilos within the past 7 weeks, not good at all. Although in total I’ve only gained about 6-7 kilos (I was told I’m supposed to gain a minimum of 10kilos) still I’m annoyed that I didn’t control my diet. Must be the cakes I’ve been baking almost every week. hrmph. Really don’t want to gain that much this time around, but I guess I just have to work extra harder to get the weight off once baby’s out huh. Oh well.

Doctor gave us the usual 3D shot of the baby and I was comparing to her jie jie but honestly I still can’t see who she takes after. When I showed the 3D shot of Ashley to my dad, he immediately said she has my nose and eyes, yikes true enough Ashley’s a mini version of me! Because I have no idea how he managed to distinguish that, cos honestly all babies looks the same to me in their 3D shots. So daddy, who does baby no 2 takes after this time?

{That’s Ashley on the top and bubs no 2 on the bottom}

Happy birthday my love!

2011-08-21T00:00:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday to the best husband and daddy in the world! I feel so blessed to have found true love in your arms. May you be blessed with all that you have ever dreamt of and may God bless you with all the joy and happiness that you desire and hope that we walk hand in hand even after our hair turns silver. I will always love you more and more with every passing year.

Since Ashley’s still too young to write you a letter, do know that she’s mighty proud to have a daddy like you, a daddy that spends every single second of the day with her, be there for her whenever she needs a hug or a kiss, a daddy that is super fun and cool albeit silly at times. Can see that she loves you alot and couldn’t have ask for a better daddy.

Happy 32nd Birthday to world’s best husband and daddy!! {Julian Sim}

Puss in boots

2011-08-19T08:45:00.000+08:00

Somehow I prefer MY puss in boots *huge grin*

And can you believe that this little cutie pie has now grown into this?

My, where did my little baby girl go?

Bitten by the shutterbug

2011-08-16T20:48:00.001+08:00

When hubby bought his first SLR camera, EOS400D back in 2007 I wonder what’s so great about this expensive thing and I frowned upon his purchases of lens and what-nots. Never thought I’d one day be bitten by the shutterbug! First I toyed with it by taking photos of my cooking then I discovered Lightroom from then on there’s no stopping me to keep on clicking on the shutter button. I’m no photographer nor do I wish to label myself as one, in fact till today I still can’t grasp all the terms associated with photography – shutter speed, focus point, aperture – what are those? And I can’t even tell you what lens we have cos I just don’t know.

I just love how the beautiful a certain thing can be taken through the camera lens Hubby now owns a 7D while his 400D has been passed on to me, to snap away whether it’s something random like a brown leaf

or stolen moments of my little girl

How do you like my new look?

2011-08-16T17:16:00.001+08:00

You might have noticed that the blog has gone through yet another facelift. Now I know why people say blog designing can be addictive! I am not from a designing background yet the free templates available makes it so easy to give your blog a fresh look every now and then.

I’ve added a new feature – subscribe to any new blog posts via email – and it’s under Get New Posts via Email (yea very creative I know) on the right side of the blog but for some odd reason it doesn’t allow you to key in your email address but if you were to click on the Submit button, a window will pop out (make sure you check your pop up blocker settings if you have any installed on your browser) shown in the picture below. Simply key in your email address, and activate the subscription link (an email will be send to you after you completed the subscription request) and that’s it really. Whenever I post a new blog, you’d get it hot from the press!

So remember to subscribe yea!

Hmmm, maybe I should give my food blog a new facelift too since I’m in the mood

*edit*

Yay! The issue has now been resolved so no problems in entering your email to subscribe to my blogs’ new posts ya

Sisterly ♥

2011-08-14T07:53:00.001+08:00

Ever since we told Ashley that she’s going to be a jie jie (older sister), she seems to be taking up the role pretty well. And she’s very proud of the title too, everyday she’d go on saying things like ‘ I’m a big jie jie now. I can eat vegetables, I can eat my meat’ or she’d help me out with chores again going on ‘you know why I can do this (insert a chore) it’s cos I’m a jie jie mommy’ and looking proud all at the same time.

It warms my heart knowing that there’s a bond already created between the two of the sisters even before the little one is out. Almost every night Ashley would lie on my big tummy and hug me so tightly but actually she’s hugging the little sister. She would whisper I love yous to the sister, recite the day’s happenings to her, sometimes just a simple good night mei mei and a kiss on my tummy before she goes to sleep. And she’d get all excited whenever the lil bubs moves. Ashley would even tell me ‘hey mommy mei mei gave me a high five!’

So proud of them!

2011-08-09T10:35:00.001+08:00

I’ve been part of this group in Facebook and everyday I read such liberating stories from them. So when one day one of the mommies shared that she was shooed away from breastfeeding at a public area in a shopping mall, it caused an uproar because breastfeeding is a natural thing and honestly I felt it’s a violation of human rights. Why should we mommies get shooed away when we are only feeding our kids? But unfortunately in our society, it’s frowned up because people are not used to it and thinks it’s taboo.

Then the mommies decided it’s high time that someone do something about it and I’m overwhelmed with emotions watching these brave mommies trying to get a strong message across that breastfeeding is not shameful. In fact it’s a very noble thing! Even though I only managed to breastfeed Ashley until she was 8 months old, this time around I’m hoping to breastfeed as long as I can because it’s the best thing a mommy can ever give to her child. It’s priceless

So kudos to all the brave mamas!

p.s please share this video to your friends and family. We must educate them that breastfeeding is not a shameful thing to do and hopefully people will support the mamas.

Happy Marriage

2011-07-31T08:07:00.001+08:00

What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.
-George Eliot-

Sometimes I wonder how long can one deal with the incompatibility before realizing it's never meant to be in the first place.

For the first time

2011-07-13T08:22:00.001+08:00

I broke down…

I couldn’t help but to cry.. it was unbearable and I felt so helpless yet guilty at the same time. Being pregnant is one of the greatest things in life and I’ve been through it before yet why is it so different this time around? I just couldn’t understand it and I cried. I was just sitting there yet sitting was a difficult task, I couldn’t breathe properly, I couldn’t feel comfortable, my back hurts, my legs and ankles hurts from the swelling. I went up to the room, told hubs to look after Ashley for me, took a quick bath and changed into my PJs and just curled up like a baby on the bed, crying the entire time.

And to make things worse, hubby doesn’t seem to know what to do either. He tried to joke about it, made me cried even harder, he tried to comfort me doesn’t work too. I was still crying. And despite the efforts in trying to get some shut eye, I couldn’t sleep. I kept thinking if Ashley ate her dinner, if hubby will bath her, is she playing with the new stray kitten in the house (I dislike kittens) everything was just piling up in my head. Made me feel so guilty for lying on the bed.

And then I talked silently to the baby.. apologizing to her for not being strong enough and having thoughts of just quitting. Yeap I actually wished I could just end the whole pregnancy and have her out already at nearly 6 months. It’s hard not to cry when you have thoughts like this.

Ashley came upstairs after dinner and asked what’s wrong with me. Told her I don’t feel so good, gave me a hug and tells me everything will be alright in a soothing voice. My 4 year old girl tells me that everything will be alright in a matter-of-factly manner.. well I just sum whatever energy I have left, bath her, cleaned up the room abit, trying to push aside the need to feel sorry for myself at the same time.

I woke up feeling like myself again, prepared lunch and well it’s just one of those days where you gave in to your hormones I suppose. But I wouldn’t lie to myself that it was a relief to finally break down, as much as others may think that I’m a supermom, I’m not one.

Half way there

2011-07-09T10:18:00.001+08:00

The last post I wrote about my pregnancy journey was cheerful one and I’m not saying this post won’t be the same but this time it’s not all about rainbows and sunshine. At 22 weeks (that’s slightly after 5 months) I’m starting to remember how tiring it was to be pregnant.

I’m at the stage where sitting hurts, standing hurts, lying down hurts. Yeap every inch of my body is groaning out of protest from hosting a baby, even hubs commented I look miserable at times. How not to la, with the rock hard tummy and the other day heartburn. Heartburn’s a nasty affair I just found out, it’ll make you feel like you’re having a heart attack or something. And then the need to puke, goodness. All I want to do is to lie down and it seems I can’t do that after meals now, urgh. I think I should start going for walks to get the blood flowing so that I feel healthier. And oh I ‘m not allowed to swim for a few weeks mind you, why? Because this preggy mama is having a bad throat and ear infection due to a swim a couple weeks back which explains the cough and also the dizziness I’ve been experiencing. Oh boy….

Ok la, a paragraph of ranting should be enough I suppose. Now for the colorful sprinkles. From fluttering sensations, baby has upped her presence by kicking, jabbing and nudging two weeks ago. No more mistaking it as gas anymore and the best part Ashley felt it too, thought she’ll freak out but she got very excited! Even asked the sister when is she coming out so that she can play with her. So far Ashley’s been really positive about the baby, hopefully it’d stay that way. Oh the other day I was telling her I feel extremely miserable and sick, you know what she said?

don't worry I'll give you the magic golden flower, you drink it you'll feel better then mei mei will come out from your stomach with golden hair

Yeap that’s my girl, from watching too much of Disney cartoons.

Ah well, at least it made me feel better.

Monday was the 20th week scan or anomaly scan. Since we didn’t opt for the detailed Down Syndrome test, this is equally nerve wrecking listening and watching the gynae go through the scan praying it’s all good. Thank God, baby’s all well and healthy, and looks like she’s going to be tall like her jie jie and daddy. Good news I barely gained a kilo, in total so far I’ve only put on slightly more than 3 kg throughout this pregnancy. Gynae even used the word underweight, my brother in law nearly choked on his rice when we update the family on the pregnancy over dinner. Yea underweight is a word that shouldn’t exist in my life. Hubs been pestering me to eat more but I know better, I was already overweight before I got preggy, the way I see it as long baby’s growing well I shan’t worry too much about the underweight part. And it’s not like I’m starving myself, I still eat. The next visit would be in six weeks time, why the long gap? Well after being going through with Ashley, we reckon a monthly visit is not a must seeing that it’s almost he same thing every visit. Only towards the end then yes we’ll stick to the every fortnightly visits. Back’s hurting right now as I type, oh boy 4 months to go. We also discussed about the birth plan with my gynae, from the looks of it (despite barely gaining weight yet baby’s still on track) I might have to go for a caesarean delivery. Was slightly disappointed but if it’s for the best and safety for both me and baby, I suppose I have to just do it. Now still deliberating if we should let it be on her terms ie she’ll decide when she’ll come out then we’ll just help out with the arrival (C-sec) or decide on her behalf. I’m leaning towards the first arrangement but hubs thinks it’s better if it’s planned. Oh well we still got some time to ~~bicker~~ deliberate over it

Here’s a picture of the scan, everything a-ok

and a picture of the mama at one of the very rare moment she felt fine

Part 2

2011-06-24T09:06:00.000+08:00

Part 2

Part 2 of her impromptu song

A song about a cat

2011-06-23T20:53:00.001+08:00

Ashley, 4 years old, singing a song she made up.

The sweetest dream ever

2011-06-22T10:21:00.001+08:00

I’ve been having really erratic dreams for the past weeks, from killing zombies or the other way around to really out of the world dreams that left me really drained each time I got awaken up by those dreams. Sometimes it’d trouble me wondering if subconsciously I’m bothered by something or someone. But last night, last night’s dream was the sweetest dream ever! So sweet and real that I didn’t want to wake up at all.

I dreamed that I gave birth to our little girl without any medical aid, suddenly I was in pain, stood up and baby just slide out into my hands. I quickly picked her up and nurse her immediately. I could even smell and feel the blood and vernix (the white waxy layer on the baby’s skin). In my dream my parents were there and so was my grandmother. It was such a relief because I was told by my gynae that I might have to go through a caesarean birth due to the complications I had with Ashley’s birth and in my dream I just delivered my daughter with ease. And the look she gave me while I nurse her, so alert! I can still remember her face, she looked exactly like her sister, Ashley, only slightly heavy while Ashley was kinda thin. Mei Mei looked almost like her sister here except in my dream she was smiling and looking at me while I nurse her.

Oooo another 4 months to go before I hold mei mei in my arms! Can’t wait!

Ashley’s mei mei

2011-06-07T22:15:00.001+08:00

Today went for my monthly check up with the gynae and all three of us were very excited cos it’s the day we’ll know if it’s going to be a di di (little brother) or mei mei (little sister) for Ashley. She as always was very worried whenever I lie on the bed for the ultrasound. Kept on asking the gynae nothing’s wrong with mommy right doc, no black hole? And I’m happy that baby’s growing very well, just slightly above average in size. And after a few minutes, he said ok a girl again. I whooped out loud, but when I look at Julian I felt really bad. I was hoping it’d be a boy this time after all we decided just to have 2 kids, and it would be nice to have a boy and a girl. It took him a few minutes then he quickly got caught up with the excitement in having two princesses, in fact he announced it way before I did just a few minutes ago on Facebook. I told him jokingly maybe in his past life, he has too many ex lovers so all came back as his daughters in this present life. LOL. He’s now considering to have number 3! I’m not complaining. hehehe

But jokes aside, honestly I feel kinda relieved it’s a girl again. At least I know what to do with Ashley’s old baby clothes. Some of them are still in very good condition and not to mention some of them were very expensive. I blame it on being gung ho as new parents! Price wasn’t an issue for us back then, so we bought everything we liked. Even for a ridiculously expensive Christian Dior summer dress we got from Paris which I hardly let her wear fearing she’ll dirty it. And I never really know how to handle a boy, my mom is a babysitter and most of her charges were and are currently girls. I used to help her once in a while but never really looked after a boy. I kept thinking what if I don’t know how to clean my boy or when he has to use the toilet etc. Lucky Julian though! He’s off the hook in bringing our kids to the toilet whenever we are outside. I told him if baby no 2 is a boy he’ll know how it is each time your kid wants to use the loo half way eating, well guess he will never know then. Hrmphhhhh

Ok as for the pregnancy, everything is ok I only gained slightly under 1kg and according to this cool site shared by Mabel, my weight gain so far is below average. Yay! Going to keep it that way so that I have less of extra weight to lose. Did some blood test and again Ashley was freaking out, that girl of mine really do care a lot of me but she also loves to argue with me as well. It’s funny how everyone myself included seem to think it would be a boy because of the different pregnancy symptoms. I didn’t suffer from morning sickness, I ate differently , I have a waist (clear indication it’s a boy according to old wives tales). But popo guessed it right, she said I’m definitely having a girl because of my round tummy. Ah well no more guessing game after this I suppose when gynae said it’s almost 100% certain it’s a girl!

{That’s baby at 17+ weeks }

I wonder how mei mei is going to look, if she’ll be as adorable as her jie jie

{I still keep every single item she’s wearing in this picture!}

Last week…

2011-05-30T17:28:00.003+08:00

…started well on a good start and then I lost my phone. Was feeling really bummed out about it because I’m pretty sure I must have dropped it in the cinema the other day and the person who picked it up didn’t return it to me I’d understand if you found money but phone? Hello at least have the courtesy to return it to me la, my phone with my daughter’s pictures alright. *sigh* but shit happens, and my girl the sweetest ever have been cheering me up by telling me it’s ok and that she’ll buy me a pink iPhone. Yeap a pink iPhone. And every now and then I’d ask if I could hug her, she’ll tell me

‘hug all you want mommy if it makes you feel better’

No longer feeling that bummed out but still experience the heartache every now and then. Oh well, what can I do right especially this isn’t the first phone I’ve lost, just have to move on!

Anyway I did say it was a good week because I went for short walk along the jogging trail at Taman Tun Dr Ismail park, I was sweating before I even finish half the trail!It felt really good to walk through the jungle, inhaling fresh cool air. Can’t wait to go back there again!

On the baby no 2, both of us are doing well as I enter into my 4th month on Friday. 4 months already! Nothing has changed since the last update only the tummy has grown bigger and bigger! The next check up would be on this coming Friday so hopefully we get to know the gender of the baby although Ashley’s been addressing the baby as didi (baby brother) That’s me at 16 weeks!

Did some cooking too as I was craving for these comfort food

{Steamed Chinese Egg Cake (Ji Dan Gao)}

{Vadai (Dhall Fritter)}

Renovation has started too and most of the hacking or knocking down of walls has been done, so hopefully the house would be ready by the stipulated due date. Really can’t wait to move into our new place soon!

Giddy with Excitement!

2011-05-21T07:10:00.001+08:00

The wait is finally over! Just in a couple hours time, renovation will commence after a simple officiating ceremony/ritual (some Chinese believes it’s best to start the renovation works on an auspicious date so that everything will go smoothly during and after the renovation) and hopefully we can move in within 4 months’. Words can’t describe how happy I’m feeling right now to know that we would be moving in pretty soon. That we can have a place of our own at last. That I can finally use my own kitchen and parade around the house naked. Ok maybe not that last one.

Honestly I didn’t expect that it would take such a long time to get things running. Initially the plan was to move in by late last year (yes I know I’ve been telling everyone and anyone that we’d move in by that time) but everything got held back when we were applying for the house loan. Everything is 10 times more difficult when you are one income household, hubs had to refinance the mortgage even though we’ve only got 2-3 years left to repay the loan (which means we would be debt free until we buy another new place!). And we even bought some of our furniture early last year under the impression the house would be ready by then. Bed, kitchen and cooking utensils, belum ada rumah but perabot kena ada dulu. I guess we would always do things differently eh – have a baby then only get married, after having 2 kids and 4 years later only move in. The sequence is all jumbled up!

The house that we are about to move in was initially bought for hubs’ grandparents but unfortunately they suffered stroke and had to stay with my in-laws. So they’ve been renting out the place ever since and obviously we didn’t have much cash flow plus we need to pay my father in law back for the house, refinance is a better option. After the loan’s been approved, the next task was to source for contractors, draftsman, interior design etc. Goodness first I was excited but the excitement soon dies off when we couldn’t make up our mind on which contractor to grant the project to, which interior designer, what kind of designs. Honestly hubs and I have totally different ideas about our homes ; I prefer the English house feel with lots of solid woods in white and wooden colors while he if possible everything should decked out in black, white, gray. So naturally this opens up for a boatload of arguments, so in the end I told him I don’t really care as long the house looks like a nice family home instead of a bachelor pad and I have the ultimate say when it comes to the kitchen (my most precious space in the house). And if things were to be done my way, a simple house is just good enough.

And if you must know, the house’s pretty old more than 20 years old and we basically have to redo the entire place – plumbing, wiring, tiles, extension, paintworks, everything phew!Hence why it would need about 4 months to complete, a thorough discussion on budget and so on. Many asked us why don’t we just get a brand new place, you must be kidding right because the prices of houses these days are ridiculously high and on top of that you’d still need to do some minor renovation also lets not forget about the furnishings and furniture alright. But anyway I’m glad that the time has finally come for us to focus on the renovation and no longer on the initial work i.e. sourcing for contractor, revising the quotation. That was an energy draining process, that was. Even Ashley’s mighty excited about our new home, kept on telling me she’ll put her princess dress, ballerina shoes, books, toys in her room and we are moving tomorrow right mommy. Soon baby soon! So looking forward to the days of cooking meals for them, and sitting at the kitchen table with my two young ones and when the younger child is old enough – baking session with the kids, having friends and family over, lying on the bed with hubs while we unwind from a crazy long day. Ahh such a blissful thought.

(Picture courtesy of Happiness Joint)

Second trimester!

2011-05-13T16:20:00.000+08:00

Oh wow! The three months just zoomed right by! Well not that I’m complaining although I didn’t really experience morning sickness or nausea like I did with Ashley but just glad now I’m past the ‘dangerous’ stage and baby’s in a safe zone at the moment. Went for my monthly check up on Monday and baby’s in a healthy size – 7.3 cm in length. Baby even gave us a quick wave with the back facing us. Still can’t believe we are having a baby again, it seems so surreal!

So far I’m still doing okay, just sometimes feel lethargic and exhausted usually towards the evening. The weather’s not helping either, goodness it’s like being in a sauna room. Again, I’m surprised that this time I’ve yet to develop any kind of cravings or food aversions, everything’s just fine by me. Hubs did mention that I tend to get worked up easily compared to the last time but then again it could be because we are seeing each other nearly every second of the day. Unlike the last time when the both of us were working and only see each other after work. Tummy’s getting bigger by the day, and sleeping starts to turn into a chore every night trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in. And I’m starting to get heart palpitations quite often lately, resulting in me having to lie down and take deep breaths. At times I wonder if it’s due to my weight, bit on the overweight side and even though I’m not as active as I would like to be but this time when it comes to food I’m pretty disciplined – hardly eating fast food and chips, more fruits and vegetables.

And I thought I felt the baby last week before the check up and a few of the parenting/pregnancy sites did say for baby no 2 and so on, the mothers would be able to feel baby’s movement much earlier say week 13 but hubby said it’s just the gas and my gynae also confirmed it’s just too soon. I still think it’s the baby! Been talking (to) and rubbing my lil round belly ever since. Can’t wait for the next check up which is in a month’s time because we could know by then the gender of the baby’s. Ooo I’m just so excited, it would be nice if it’s a boy but I’m just as ecstatic if it’s a girl again. At least I know what to do with Ashley’s still-in-a-very-good condition baby clothes and things.

As for Ashley, hmmm there are days she’ll forget that I’m having a baby and accidentally sit on my big tummy but on most days she’s a gem talking to the baby and going around saying she’s a big jie jie now, can bath on her own, wear clothes on her own, brush teeth on her own etc. There are days where I’m totally totally too knackered to play with her, or even feed her hubby’s nice and understanding enough to take over from me. Used to grumble about him being at home all the time, now I’m just blessed his job allows him to work from home. Boleh la look after both me and Ashley and hopefully the new baby. He’s stressed out right now, thinking of ways to look for a better paying job since the wife , moi refused to give up her SAHM title. Just hope and pray things will turn out for the better once we move out. *keeping fingers and toes crossed!*

Now that I’ve updated my personal blog maybe I should spare some time sneaking in some foodie posts for my other blog. Feeling really bad for abandoning my blog

{Picture of me at 13 weeks! I’m now at my 14th week }

In not so happy place at week 9

2011-04-07T18:40:00.003+08:00

I’m pretty sure it’s the hormones that is making me so emotional lately. Don’t feel like talking or interacting with anyone for that matter. And it would really help if people are more understanding or thoughtful, I hate absolutely hate that I’m always reaching out to others but they are no where to be found when I need someone. I’m not miss sunshine all the time, I too know the meaning of sad or even depressed. I too need someone to talk to from time to time. Sigh.

Anyway I ought to take a picture of me in week 9 but we’ll see if I’m up to it.

As for the baby well here’s what BabyCenter has got to say.

Your new resident is nearly an inch long — about the size of a grape — and weighs just a fraction of an ounce. She's starting to look more and more human. Her essential body parts are accounted for, though they'll go through plenty of fine-tuning in the coming months. Other changes abound: Your baby's heart finishes dividing into four chambers, and the valves start to form — as do her tiny teeth. The embryonic "tail" is completely gone. Your baby's organs, muscles, and nerves are kicking into gear. The external sex organs are there but won't be distinguishable as male or female for another few weeks. Her eyes are fully formed, but her eyelids are fused shut and won't open until 27 weeks. She has tiny earlobes, and her mouth, nose, and nostrils are more distinct. The placenta is developed enough now to take over most of the critical job of producing hormones. Now that your baby's basic physiology is in place, she's poised for rapid weight gain.

So baby no 2 is now officially a BABY! So far I don’t have any serious morning sickness or even food cravings and I still cook for the family, no queasy feeling at the sight of food (hopefully it stays that way) but my taste buds does feels different – hard time tasting if it’s salty or sweet or even bitter. Not sure if it’s due to the flu or congested nose. I do get slightly tired towards the evening and this time around I try to fit in as much exercise as I can and eat healthily – more fruits and fresh vegetables. I look more pregnant everyday and people give me this awkward smile whenever they asked how far along I am and I’m no where near the month they thought to be. Heh!

Had a nasty flu/viral infection the other day that left me pretty drained out – feeling hot and the weather wasn’t helping at all – that I had to go to the hospital to get it checked out. I seriously think that even though being a stay at home mom is a 24 hours job but being preggy now is so much better than when I was working. At least I can nap whenever I can and I can take a breather without worrying if my boss will be upset at me

Lets hope I’ll see a rainbow soon cos this mood swings thing sucks.

A huge scare at week 8

2011-03-29T21:23:00.002+08:00

Well it’s nothing serious now that we have seen the gynae but I was freaking out when I discovered that I was having some bloody vaginal discharge or spotting. You know the kind where you’re about to have your period or when your period’s about to finish? Yea and I know even though it’s common I couldn’t help but to feel scared especially when I’m still in my first trimester, not even half way there! So we quickly rang up the clinic only to be told that my gynae’s on leave then remembered a close friend who is seeing another gynae at the same hospital. Luckily he’s available and we went to see him. My heart was pounding against my chest hoping it’s nothing serious as I laid down on the examination table/bed and looking at the ultrasound machine monitor. Thank God! baby’s alright , we even saw and heard the heartbeat. I started tearing up looking at the blinking dot and then the soft thup thup. Even Ashley was intrigued by it although she was kinda worried wondering what is the doctor doing to her mommy . After we got home, she became more affectionate knowing that there’s a baby in mommy’s tummy. Been talking to my tummy and even said

‘ Mommy don’t scratch your tummy, baby will feel the pain’

After seeing this new gynae, I’m considering changing my gynae. Don’t get me wrong, my current gynae is good, in fact too good that he’s gotten quite busy with lots of new patients and old ones. I always feel that when you see a doctor, you should really have a money worth appointments. And not to mention he’s getting expensive as well. Plus I feel more at ease with this new gynae – like an old family doctor. But I’m still deciding cos I feel sentimental with the current one – after all he was the one who helped us to deliver my little girl.

So far, I’ve been lucky that I have yet to have the morning sickness like how I was with Ashley except for that one night during our Singapore trip. Maybe because I’m not working this time so I don’t feel harassed in getting ready for work and I’m more relaxed. Although the smell of hardboiled eggs and freshly baked croissants put me off. Funny. But keeping my fingers crossed it’ll remain like this till the day I pop.

And oh, meet baby J or A depending on the gender!

Can’t believe…

2011-03-27T01:07:00.001+08:00

…how much you’ve grown my little girl. Can’t believe that you turned 4! last Saturday. Can’t believe that you can converse with us in proper sentences. Can’t believe that you have your own opinions when it comes to food, TV shows heck even clothes! Can’t believe that you were once this cute little girl and now you’re a young lady. Can’t believe it’s been 4 years since the time we first laid our eyes on you. It feels like yesterday I held you in my arms, brushing your soft cheeks while you sleep so peacefully.

I still remember the days where you’ll coo and giggle at me when I talk or sing to you or you’ll look at me with your big, round eyes wondering who is this big person is and at times you’ll smile at me knowing that I’m your mommy. And the days you start to crawl and then walk. You looked so cute in the videos we caught you walking oh so wobbly. The days you learned to call us daddy mommy, you were slow when it comes to talking and we got worried. But boy once you start you never stop. Daddy says you get it from mommy . Yeap we are both very talkative, hope you’ll still talk to mommy about everything when you’re 16.

You’re such a lovely, thoughtful girl that never fails to surprise us with your love and affections. You seem to know that all it takes is a I love you mommy and a big hug to put a smile on my face. These days you even made me smile by pushing the corners of my lips up. Mommy seriously don’t know where you learned that from. You’re the apple of your daddy’s eyes and you, the cheeky girl knows it. Whenever mommy tells you no, you’ll go to daddy and immediately gets a yes. Sometimes it gets me angry cos you disobeys me but most times I had to stop myself from laughing because you’ll do this happy dance whenever your daddy says yes.

Looking back at your baby photos and reading the posts, it still amazes me how I managed to do it all these years. How can someone like me be bestowed with a wonderful little person, that I was given the responsibility to raise a child. But I guess despite the mistakes I’ve made in life I must have done something right to have you, to call you my daughter.

Year after year, we celebrate your birthday and it painfully reminds me how fast you’ve grown. And I’m not ready to let you go just yet. Even your daddy says baby don’t grow up so fast would you?

Like every year, daddy’s and mommy’s wish on your birthday is that you’ll always be happy, healthy and be surrounded by people who love you endlessly Happy birthday my little girl.

Love always,

Daddy & Mommy

Here we go again!

2011-03-11T09:38:00.001+08:00

Hey wasn’t there a post with the same title too? But this time it totally doesn’t involve any kind of contest whatsoever. I’m pregnant! Yes I’m pregnant!! It’s totally unexpected, well ok sure we are kinda planning for another baby but somehow whenever I look forward to seeing the two lines it showed only one. And this time I thought it would be the same even though I was having all the signs ; fatigue, nauseous, sore boobs and of course missed period. I was having the signs nearly every month so I was thinking maybe it’s the same this time but just want to be sure because we are flying off to Singapore a week tomorrow morning and I know if I’m not pregnant I’ll be having my menses during the trip which was a joykiller but this is better. I’m pregnant!! I even took the test twice just to be sure.

Well I won’t lie but I actually cried when I found out, because I don’t know how we are going to cope with a new baby, a school going kid, a new house and me a stay at home mommy with just one income all at the same time and darn I’m still fat. I was really hoping with the second baby I can be at least fit and lean and no more the flabby Alesia when I had Ashley. But what can you do right, all you can do is plan. So anyway I’ve yet to see the gynae so not sure how far along I am but if the dates are correct I’m most likely due in November. So yay! A new baby + a new house!

You know the funny thing was, yesterday morning before I took the test, on the way to school Ashley said this

‘Mommy, you are having a baby’

And of course I said ‘No darling, no baby. Not now’

‘But mommy you are having a baby’

And she’s been calling my parents and telling them that she’s going to be a jie jie (big sister). So I suppose she’s excited although I’m not sure if she still going to be when the baby is out and knowing that she’s no longer the baby in the house. And even though we didn’t have a baby 2 years after having Ashley but at least I got my wish which was to have at least 2 kids before I turn 30 (somewhat la since I hoped for 3!) And Ashley being at her age, I hope it’s easier to care for a newborn without having to attend to a whining, tantrums-throwing kid. Already told her that she needs to help me out when the baby’s out and she said OK Mommy

And I know some people are superstitious about announcing a pregnancy when it’s still at an early stage but heck I’m so excited and I told everyone the moment I found out I was having Ashley back then but still I won’t be announcing on my Facebook profile just yet And this time I’m going to make sure I document every single week of my pregnancy starting with this first post

On my 28th birthday….

2011-02-18T16:42:00.001+08:00

I woke up and got Ashley ready for school. Dropped her at school with a hug and a kiss as always

Went to the market on the way back to get my favorite teh c but the stall was closed, so as expected brought some groceries even though I just shopped the day before.

Got home and started preparing Nasi Lemak for lunch. Did some chores before fetching Ashley back from school.

Picked her up and she said ‘mommy, sorry but I got no time to make a necklace for your birthday but I hug you tight can?’ I smiled and hugged her ever so tightly.

While in the car hubs and Ashley started discussing about what flavor cake should they get for me. I smiled again watching my two favorite people bickering about cake, MY birthday cake.

Reached home and we washed up for lunch. Ashley’s been eating at the table these days (we made her do it) instead of in front of the TV. Got her a plate mixed with stir fry spinach, half boiled egg and chicken. For someone who doesn’t like vegetables she ate her lunch with gusto and in between she’ll go ‘Mommy so yummy! I love Masi Nemak’ (yea don’t ask me why but her Bahasa and Mandarin has always sounded very angmoh). Hubs enjoyed his lunch as much as I did.

Took Ashley upstairs for a nap, and instead of napping the three of us goofed around on the bed. Couldn’t stop smiling and laughing. I slept before Ashley did and woke up an hour to the sound of someone snapping pictures (of me SLEEPING) with an iPhone. Nope it wasn’t the mister, it was my girl. Loved the sound of her giggles when she’s caught in the act. Told her to take her nap otherwise no birthday cake and candles blowing tonight.

She slept and I did some blogging while contemplating if I should get myself pampered for tonight’s dinner with the in-laws. A few moments later went downstairs to get myself a second helpings of nasi lemak. Beats fine dining food hands down anytime especially when you are watching the latest episode of Desperate Housewives while eating.

Going through the birthday wishes from friends and family, put yet another smile on my face.

to be continued……..

Recollection of 2010

2010-12-29T08:31:00.001+08:00

In 2 days time, we will bid 2010 goodbye and say hello to 2011. To be honest it scares me a little to see how time flies, it seems only yesterday we were ushering in 2010 at a friend's place. But at the same time I’m very excited to see what 2011 brings me, with us moving in (finally) to our own home – loads of saving, loads of cleaning up everyday but finally a place of our own and for our little family to grow , with me having a (part-time) job – finally some extra pocket money for myself and the money sure comes handy with us moving out and perhaps with the new oven I’m going to have, I might start doing home based business , not forgetting with Ashley going into kindergarten and soon primary school. Ahhh seems it’s going to be a really busy and not to mention exciting year ahead.

Being said that, 2010 wasn’t a bad year either. I entered a pageant like contest and was one of the lucky top 5, it was really a great experience for me because not many people know this seeing that I’m such a loud person but I have stage fright. I’ll freeze whenever I’m up on stage talking to an audience even if it’s only 5 people. Ah yes you don’t expect that from me eh, but anyway the contest was fun and hard trying to get people to vote for me (never thought I’ll have people voting for me because I’m not exactly Ms Popular eh) and I got to know new friends! Then Ashley attended an enrichment class and I got my daily sanity dosage of 2.5 hours although she keeps falling sick and I think she stayed home more often than she goes to school. Oh well, at least I still get my 2.5 hours break time every now and then. And you can see how much she’s learned from the months of mingling with other kids, the nursery rhymes she’s learned in school and these days she’s so confident enough to come up with a few songs on her own totally spontaneously. It’s really fun to see her singing made up songs and being so proud with them. She even bowed and say ‘ Thank You, Thank You’ after the end of each songs while we applauded for a great performance.

Oh and how can I forget the little achievement of mine with my foodie blog, even though I didn’t make it as far as I hope to but still I’m just as proud to even made it to round 2! After all I’m still new when it comes to food-blogging and compared to some of the more established food sites out there so you can imagine how excited and proud I was when I saw the tiny medal on my profile. Of course as time goes by, I started to dream a little thinking it would be nice to make some money from this passion of mine and just before the year ends, my dream came true although it’s not a huge thing but still I’m grateful – hubs aunt ordered 4 trays of brownies from me and my family have been encouraging me to step a little further than just blogging. So this gave me a boost of confidence because I’ve always been doubting myself when it comes to trying to make my hobby into a business. I’ve always been a jack of all trades but master of none, so you might understand the doubts. But anyway secretly I have come up with many many ideas and plans throughout this year and pray to God, it might just work out

On the personal front, I believe I’ve grown too along with Ashley and hubs, being a wife and a mother for 4 years now. Everyday is a lesson to be learned whether its on parenting or marriage. Unlike a job, you can never quit being a wife or a mother. You just have to suck it up and brace yourself for whatever things that life throws at you. There were days I’ll be in despair thinking I’ve done such a terrible job being both with all the arguments, tantrums and what-not's but there are days where you know despite the little mistakes you’ve made you’ve must have done something right for the hugs and kisses you get from your loved ones. Another thing that have taught me not to be so hard on myself and others sadly because of the sudden demise of a few friends this year. Some were close friends I’ve known throughout the years and some were friends I’ve gotten close with in recent years. Their demise was a real shock to those who knew them, especially when they were such young adults with so many promising things in life for them. 2 of them were mothers and it hit me really hard because I feel the pain for their young ones, for their loved ones. I still mourn for their death even today, I still can’t believe that they are gone forever but with their passing, I’ve realized life’s fragile and short. You can never know when is your last day on earth and knowing this, I’ve decided to laugh often, live simply and love deeply. So that when the day comes, I’ll leave with a smile on my face knowing I have live my life.

And what’s a new year post without a new year resolution eh? Well I try not to make too many resolutions knowing I’ll break them anyway LOL but this year it’s going to be different – I hope to be happy with what I have even if it’s not what I wanted (a teeny weeny diamond is still a diamond ), I hope I’m able to rise above the little things in life that may annoy and bother me (so be my guest, be sarcastic, taunt me, I couldn’t care less!), I hope I’ll stay healthy so that I can spend more time with my loved ones (meaning exercise more often than just once every two weeks), I hope I’ll strike lottery! (now that’s not exactly a resolution but no harm trying ), I hope I’ll inspire at least one person whether through my blogs, through my friendship

Going to end my last post for the year 2010 with a poem and see you next year!! Happy new year folks! Much love!!

My Wishes for You...
Happiness deep down within.
Serenity with each sunrise.
Success in each facet of your life.
Family beside you.
Close and caring friends.
Health, inside you.
Love that never ends.
Special memories of all the yesterdays.
A bright today with much to be thankful for.
A path that leads to beautiful tomorrows.
Dreams that do their best to come true.
Appreciation of all the wonderful things about you.
Author Unknown

Happy

2010-12-13T10:13:00.001+08:00

Saw this while I was browsing on Facebook and decided to share and dedicate to everyone

我對佛說:讓我所有朋友永遠健康快樂~!
I told Buddha: Let all my friends be healthy and happy forever...!
佛說:只能四天~!
Buddha said: But for 4 days only....!
我說:好,春天、夏天、秋天、冬天。
I said: Yes, let them be a Spring Day, Summer Day, Autumn Day, or Winter Day..
佛說:三天。
Buddha said: 3 days.
我說:好,昨天、今天、明天。
I said: Yes, Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow.
佛說:不行,兩天。!
Buddha said: No, 2 days!
我說:好,白天、黑天。
I said: Yes, a Bright Day (Daytime) and Dark Day (Night-time).
佛說:不行,就一天~!
Buddha said: No, just 1 day!
我說:好~!
I said: Yes!
佛茫然問到:哪一天？
Buddha asked: Which day?
我說:在我所有朋友活著的每一天 ~! ?
I said: Every Day in the living years of all my friends!
佛笑了……說:以後你所有朋友將天天健康快樂~
Buddha laughed, and said: All your friends will be healthy and happy Every Day!

My new job

2010-12-09T09:12:00.001+08:00

This may come as a surprise especially when I said that I most likely won’t be able to find a job that fits my schedule as a stay at home mother, God was kind to me again because today was my first day back in the work force although it’s not your typical office/desk job. I’m currently one of Rohani Jelani of Bayan Indah’s assistants and I couldn’t be more delighted that I’m earning my own pocket money now. And I couldn’t ask for a better job than this. Imagine going to work surrounded by people who share the same passion as you, learning from the great and you get paid doing all that. And it’s not even affecting my main role in life – SAHM so tell me is this a dream job or not.

What I like most about this job is the flexi hours, I get to choose which day I want to work so it’s clearly an ideal arrangement for me unlike other jobs which I have be at work on weekdays. And there’s no work to be brought back home, just have to make sure I get myself prepped for the next class by reading the recipes so that I’ll know what to do when students ask questions. The pay’s not exactly little either and if I rajin I can work more days to earn more pocket money. Today I have to assist her for a class cooking Nyonya dishes, and wow boy am I lucky because I learned how to make ang ku kueh! Didn’t know it was that simple to make! Again I’m going to gloat, get paid learning how to cook while others are paying to join her classes . Of course there’s another assistants task to be done but since I was an admin assistant before it’s no problem for me.

And another thing is, Ashley’s kindergarten is at the same area as my workplace, so another plus point in having this job cos I don’t have to get Julian to fetch her to school just need him to pick her up from school on the days I’m working. But I was thinking since I’m working I may want to sign her up for one of these enrichment programs available at school like ballet, drama and speech, art and crafts at least once or twice a week and I can choose to work on those days and pick her up myself after work. Of course lets not forget the fact that I’m finally in the company of another adults eh, I get to know a lot of new friends and I miss that (being kepo and all). Oh I don’t have to wear formal wear too just a simple cropped pants with a decent top and heheh slippers (Nike slippers though not those pasar malam ones). I love my job! If you’re not used to standing during the entire class, zooming around making sure the students doesn’t get lost in the hype of learning how to cook so many dishes, ensure the workstation is clean all the time then probably you’ll give this job a pass but since I’m so used to slaving at the kitchen this is like a walk in the park. Tapi now my feet are groaning but it’s good I guess, some form of exercise. But I’m not exactly sure if that’s going to work too because I get to eat the food they make! Gloat mode on again. Hahaha!

And how this all began, well it started from a dear friend who asked (she insists it’s pestering) me to join a cooking class with her when she comes home for holiday and showed me a few classes, one of them being Rohani’s. I didn’t know about this interesting place/retreat that focus solely on food and cooking and only then I remembered I have one of her books and even tried of her recipes. Of course then I joined her Facebook fan page and from there I found out that they are looking for assistants. So immediately I wrote in to her to convey my interest on the job and she called me on the very same day. Asked if I’m alright coming in to work on Wednesday and I said ok well after discussing with Julian of course. Was still in shock mode to be offered a job so quick when I visited Bayan Indah for briefing on Tuesday and kept asking myself if I can do this. Wednesday came and went, and I’m looking forward to Friday’s class. We are going to Italy! I couldn’t be any happier and more thankful to that friend for pestering me to join her classes, otherwise I’ll never get the job. And honestly this came just right in time, next month onwards Ashley will start school and we are planning to move in to the new house by mid of the year, so the extra cash even though not a huge amount but helps nonetheless.

Working at a place like this, what’s not to love.

No. 2

2010-11-24T05:40:00.001+08:00

I was 24 when I gave birth to Ashley and 25 when we had our wedding in 2008. Naturally we didn’t really thought of having a second child even though I wish to have 3 kids by the time I turned 30 but of course we didn’t stress ourselves out by taking it easy and leave everything to God, I mean if it happens I’ll accept it with gratitude and joy like I did when we found out I was pregnant, if not well there’s nothing much we can do about it right. Until lately, Ashley is turning 4 soon and well I have been thinking it would be nice to have a sibling for Ashley and honestly I’ve been missing the babyness in her. I did see the gynae last year for my annual check up and again just this week, he gave me the green light saying I’m in a fit condition to have a second one, just that the timing is slightly off. But sometimes I just have to wonder if we are going to have a second child or maybe I’m blessed with just one. It’s annoying sometimes when people kept asking you

“hey when are you planning for a second child” or

“are you giving Ashley a sibling” or

“when is Ashley going to be a jie jie (elder sister)”

when you are hoping so badly you’ll have another unexpected joy and end up being disappointed each time aunty flow came to visit. I am happy for my friends who are expecting but it just makes me even sadder thinking that I might not have another baby . Julian’s not so stressed out about it because we got other matter which is the house to think about and not to mention the ever raising expenses come January when Ashley starts kindergarten. And we are not even sure if we can even afford a second child seeing that I’m not working. Everyday I think of ways to earn money from home, from online gambling (I know it’s bad! and I’ve stopped) to buying crafts books hoping to discover some hidden talent (NOT!) and get something profitable out of it. And yet people thinks that I’m swimming in gold and jewels and that I should be producing 5 babies just because I’m a stay at home mommy. How I wish that’s true well except for the 5 kids part.

And being a fickle-minded person that I am, I kept on going back and forth, I want to be preggy now cos it’s time and it’s a good thing I’m not pregnant now cos I want to lose weight and be slim during my pregnancy portrait shoots. Ding dong there ding dong here, I’m neither here nor there with both goals – baby and weigh loss. But what can I do? Can only hope for the best.

T.I.R.E.D.

2010-11-19T22:21:00.002+08:00

I'm extremely worn out this week, looking after a toddler with diarrhea really left me hanging on to whatever that is left. Whoever says that being a SAHM is an easy job should be tied with a placecard around their neck that says ' I shouldn't have said being a SAHM is such an easy job cos it isn’t’ along with a broom, a clingy child that keeps on asking you questions and making sure YOU ANSWER her questions or that goes I don’t love you mommy each time you give her the silent treatment while counting 1 to 10 quietly to control yourself from bursting out of frustration over a mess she did or when she refused to eat, pots ‘n’pans, a basket of dirty clothes.

And to make things worse, my back has been killing me lately!

The reason I’m ranting now (told myself to cut down on rant posts) its because the clingy, diarrhea child decided that it’s fun to drink 100+ under the covers (she told me she’s going to sleep!) so instead of scolding her (or worse beating her) I’ll just write away my frustration and so far it’s working.

wuuzzzaaaaaaa

So many things to blog about

2010-10-26T15:56:00.002+08:00

- How some people annoys me with the whole ‘You’re a SAHM, the easiest job in the world. You don’t have to lift a finger, just stay at home and spend all your husband’s money’ comments

- My Mum My Diva contest (yes I know it’s long overdue)

- The search for THE kindergarten

- Project HSH (home sweet home)

- How am I doing with my weigh loss regime (not that there’s remarkable result so far)

- Us on having more children

amongst many other things. I should start working on these posts before my memory fails me once again. I don’t know how those bloggers have the time (and inspiration!) to blog at least once a day. Me once a week also quite difficult.

Four (most of the times)Wonderful Years

2010-10-20T15:57:00.002+08:00

Ah yes, can’t believe it’s already been 4 years since the two of us signed on the dotted lines. And the same date next month we would be celebrating our 6th year being as a couple. Never in a million years that I’d think we would come this far since the both of us weren’t sure that we were each other’s THE ONE with us having nothing in common when we first started out. He’s a geek and I was well a party animal, even our family backgrounds are totally different, he coming from a much privileged home compared to mine and hehe my definition of guys I’d date doesn’t come in the form of Julian.

But of course heavens must have something great planned out for us because less than 2 years of getting to know each other better, I found out I was pregnant.

Life definitely has taken a great turn of change since then, learning how to be parents, learning about marriage, learning how to live with others all at the same time. The toll of trying to be a mother, wife and a daughter in law all at the same time were so great that sometimes I feel like giving up especially when both of us are such strong headed people but at the end of the day we held on and grew stronger as a couple and also as individuals. He’d always give in to my whims and fancies and I’ve never met anyone that could stand my blow-ups like he does.

Even though sometimes I’ll get annoyed at him especially when it comes to parenting but I’ve learned to compromise since marriage is all about compromise. One can never be the dominating force over their other half although he did say I’m the one wearing the pants in this marriage (bleh! I don’t think so! I maybe loud, I maybe assertive but I sure am not the dominating one eh). But over the past 4 (or is it 6 years) I’ve learned so much about myself through his eyes. I learned that I don’t have to be tough all the time and that it’s ok to let my guard down without having to lose myself. During my fat days or the days where I don’t feel beautiful and low, he’ll remind me how much he loves me and that I’m still the most beautiful person in his eyes (but that doesn’t stop him from looking at other pretty ladies! ) or when I feel that I’m doing a sucky job being a mom, he’ll remind me of the great things I’ve done for Ashley and that Ashley’s growing up to be a fine young lady and she loves me very much based on the hugs and kisses I get. She even climbed down from our bed and slept with me on the mattress on the floor when she was sick. And the fact that we are so comfortable with ourselves in each other presence it says something; I could pick my nose or fart or burp my ABCs whenever he’s around without me feeling apologetic and vice versa (LOL ok that was way too much info) but aren’t marriage supposed to be that way? That we should be comfortable in our own skins while being with our other half?

Despite the ups and downs we go through and what others have said about us, it’s been a wonderful (most of the times!) 4 years being Mrs Julian Sim and I look forward to many more happy days like these.

Notebook-less and M&Ms

2010-10-14T16:25:00.002+08:00

I'm once again notebook-less although this time I don't suffer much from the withdrawal symptoms. Good thing too I reckon, having some spare time to do the things I've been meaning to do but never got the chance to do so as I'm always engrossed with my notebook. But the blogging skills and also photo taking skills has gone slightly rusty, well not it's great to begin with. Anyway made something special for Ashley today and well her reactions pretty much tells what she thinks about her lunch.

Her tantrums…..Period

2010-09-23T05:31:00.003+08:00

Yeap, it’s that bad I don’t even know what else to say. And it explains why I’m hardly around on my computer aside from the occasional shout-outs on Facebook. This girl of mine seems to have two sides to her ; one extremely sensitive and caring and the other whoaa each time that person appears I feel like I don’t even who she is!!

1. You wash her hair on the days she doesn’t feel like washing ‘ MOoooommmmy!! Don’t wash my hair!!! Stupid you’. (yea I know bad English here)

2. You accidentally wet her hair while bathing her ‘MOMMMMMMMy!!! see now my hair wet already!! *stomps out of the bathroom dripping wet*

3. You accidentally bumped into her, scratched her, etc ‘MOmmmmmmmmmmyyy!!! DON’T PAIN!!! stupid you’

4. You give her some meat in her rice ‘MOMMMMMMyyyy!! I don’t want chicken in my rice..*sulks, pushes the bowl away* I don’t want to eat, don’t friend you’

5. You put in the wrong DVD for her ‘Mommmmmyyyyy!! Not this showw I want another onee’

6.You scold her for doing something wrong, she wails and complains to her daddy ‘Mommmmy scold me’

7. You don’t let her play with your hair because she’s pretty rough, she wails and whines.

8. You don’t give her the things she wants (Lollipops most of the times) she’ll glare at you like you are the person she hates most.

9. You don’t change her top when she accidentally spill a drop of water on it and even though bath time is soon. She screams.

10. You tells her no princess dress because we are only going to the park. She screams.

The list is endless! Sometimes I screamed at her which I know it’s wrong but how to get the message across la. Julian thinks it’s only teaching her screaming is the way to talk to someone. Sometimes I talked nicely to her and that doesn’t seems to work either. She’ll chant mommy I’m sorry, sorry don’t scold me’ I’m not too sure if she’s really feeling sorry or just shutting me up. Nowadays I just let her be, you know what’s next ,wails again ‘my mommy doesn’t want to talk to me ‘ *faints* I even resort to whispering ‘Ashley don’t say stupid you to others it’s rude. Ashley don’t cry and scream all the time’ in her ears every night when she’s asleep. Aiihh

Sometimes, just sometimes I wonder if it’s really all worth it. Quitting my job, giving up my sanity and finance independence just to deal with these nearly everyday. Now where’s my lychee martini.

My ♥ album

2010-09-10T23:47:00.003+08:00

Favourite track : Pretty wings ♥

Debuting her new song from the album ‘ Make Up the Lyrics as I sing Along’

2010-09-04T10:07:00.001+08:00

And the title of the song is THE DOG SONG. Catchy eh

Haters, stop hating on others

2010-09-02T16:43:00.002+08:00

I was going through some of my postings and found this thread.

Just in case anyone's wondering what poison letter is, basically it is a letter/email written by an anonymous person with a malice intention usually to hurt or upset the receiver.

Me and a couple of my friends decided to join venture and open a small online business selling cosmetic stuffs and since it's not a full blown business, we can't have a company bank account. I've offered my bank account for payments to be made into and naturally my name is displayed there. Now, I'm sure everyone here agrees that women can either be each other bestest friends or the worst bitches but this one has gone way overboard. We are all adults here, and the email context I'm attaching below just shows how childish, how pathetic a person can get.

I admit that I may not be the most friendliest person around and that I may come off as someone is who very outspoken or arrogant, I don't know you tell me. But I've never have the intention to hurt someone or anyone at all, maybe there are things I've said that may have offended someone but I'm only human and humans make mistakes. But this sure as hell doesn't permit one to write to me such a malicious email. I'm not going to lie saying this doesn't upset me in anyway but I'm not going to hide in my corner and cry my eyes out. This person actually took the effort to create an email using my name and dropping off stupid unconstructive comments in trying to make my business or myself look bad to my potential buyers. I mean who does that?

Before this I usually just shrug it off thinking hey you can never have everyone to like you but this is just too much, calling me pig?! LOL.. this is so high school. <_<
Whoever wrote me this, you know very well who you are and please tonight when you go to sleep, please take 3 minutes to really think of this. Why waste your life trying to make my life miserable when you can actually just move on and enjoy your life... There are much better things in life trying to come up with some stupid emails with stupid nasty comments to a person that doesn't give a hoot about it. Goodness.

a_yong to me
mum_yxxxmc@xxxxxx.com
U SUCK AS A SELLER. NOOB SELLER. THE WORST KIND BECAUSE U CANNOT ACCEPT CRITICISM. BECAUSE PEOPLE CRITIC U, U CHANGE TO NO COMMENT AVAILABLE. NO WONDER U NO BUSINESS BECAUSE UR ARROGANT RICH TAI TAI ATTITUDE. U THINK U SO SMART. BUT U SO STUPID AND DUM DUM. LEAVE SO MANY OPEN INFO - EASY LET PPL TRACK U DOWN - U COOK AND EAT SO MUCH - U LOOK LIKE A FAT PIG. OINK OINK. GO ACTION WITH MONEY U DUN EARN AND DUN HAVE.
Yxxx Mxx Cxxx GO EAT SHIT.

Hello :)
There's a difference between criticism and plain thrashing and you are just plain thrashing. So why must I let all the baseless and nonconstructive comments ruin my business reputation, not that it's any of your business but it's been thriving :)
It took me a few minutes to decide whether should I reply to you or not cos honestly you are such a pathetic person. Why? Because you took so much time and effort creating this email and so much so trying to be very malicious in hoping to well I wont know, put me down I suppose?
Did you actually think by sending me this email, I'll go booo hooo hoo, I want my mummy or I'll go cry to my husband cos someone wrote me such a nasty email? Well that shows how much you really know me. It's very good that you wrote this 'GO ACTION WITH MONEY U DUN EARN AND DUN HAVE' because then I would have alot of resources in slapping you with a lawsuit. I'm not too sure who's the DUM DUM here now because in case you didn't know as much as you like to think you are the smart ass here by hiding behind this email add, the world of internet is not so private after all. I managed to get your IP address and I know when this email was created and when it was last used. And I can easily use this nifty piece of information to track you down with my lawyers to sue you for libel defamation.
Please don't think that I'm trying to scare you off, I'm not. I'm merely asking you to stay out of my life once and for all before I make your life a living hell.
Any response after this from you or whichever new email you are creating gives me the green light to go ahead with the lawsuit so please do yourself a favor and go enjoy your life however pathetic it is with your loved ones and so on. Life's too short to hold such hatred towards me because I've got nothing to lose. You may think that I'll crumble when I read your email but I don't, really I don't because I for one I am not you who wakes up everyday or every other day thinking hey I should write that bitch an email and make her cry. Because in reality I don't give a shit to all this. So please really do yourself a favor.
Before we end this, I sincerely am sorry if I've offended you before this but I'm even more sorry that you have to live with this grudge towards me until you meet your maker
p.s You gotten my name wrong by the way :)

So really, when you have the urge to think bad about someone or even be bothered of how that person live their lives, think about it is it really worth it? So what if that person whines about how miserable their lives are, it’s not your life that is miserable isn’t. The moment you start to bother or let their antics get to you, you are just wasting your time when you can do so much better things yea. So haters, stop hating on others

I am such an evil mommy

2010-09-01T10:57:00.001+08:00

Last night, when we were about to go to sleep, Ashley wanted something and typically I said no because it’s way past her bedtime. Disgruntled, she tried to sleep as far away as she can from me while muttering ‘ don’t want to friend you mommy ‘. Me not bothered by that simply said to her' ‘ Ashley why don’t you sleep at the corner, on the floor since you don’t want to friend mommy ok ‘ To my great surprise and amusement, she actually took her bantal busuk and proceeded to sleep on the floor! I obviously ignored her and told Julian not to talk to her or go pujuk her to come back to bed. But of course the daddy asked her to sleep with me which she adamantly refused and she did this for at least 30 minutes. I didn’t want to give in to her, later she’ll think that each time she does tricks like this she’ll get the things she wants. Julian kept on mumbling ‘ Just like the mother, so stubborn and strong-headed’ After 30 minutes, as always I was undefeated , she came to me sobbing and meekly said ‘mommy I’m sorry’. So am I an evil mommy or not?

{ I had to turn on the lights to take a erm clear picture of her lying on the floor but course she thought I wanted to carry her to bed, which I didn’t!}

Oh by the way, how do I look with curls

Happy Birthday Malaysia!

2010-08-31T01:11:00.002+08:00

I can’t believe it’s already the time of the year’ 31st August! It’s Malaysia Independence day and we celebrate yet another harmonious year together. Of course it has been a rocky year with what’s going on in politics, rise in crime rates and whatnots but hey lets not dwell on the negativity instead celebrate the fact that we are able to live in a country with diverse culture in peace without war unlike other countries. I’m pretty sure all of you have fond memories while growing up especially during childhood days, well I do and it was when we were staying in a low cost neighbourhood. We were probably one of the very few Chinese families staying in the midst of Malays and Indians during that time but yet we don’t feel all that alienated. In fact our family friend was the ever helpful and kind family of MakCik Peh ah (I hope I spelled her name right) and her family is a living testament of the currently hyped out motto ‘ 1Malaysia’ ; her husband’s a Chinese Muslim Convert.

Everyday we would just open our backdoor, walked through theirs and play with her children, or have a meal at their house or my mom and her would just gossip over the drain at the backyard while cleaning dried anchovies, or peeling onions. Every evening we would join the rest of the children at the kampung for a game of hantu galah at the communal badminton court while the ladies would sit at the pangkin chatting away. And how can I forget the best time ever staying with other races in the same neighbourhood; the festive season! Come Hari Raya and Diwali, I would be jumping with joy. There would be at least 10 houses to visit and imagine all the yummy yummy kuih raya, ketupat with kari ayam, sirap rose and murukku, nasi briyani and kari kambing . Oh gosh, I’m just drooling right now reminiscing about the good times staying in such a muhibbah environment.

And not to mention they treat others like their own family as well, once my brother and I got into a huge fight involving stick and a chair ( yea we were really psychical when we were younger) when our parents went out one night, the whole entire kampung came running to our house checking what’s causing all the commotion. We were so embarrassed by that incident we stopped fighting for a couple weeks. hehe. I still remember one time, my mom was still up late at night making Chinese New Year cookies and I was in my room trying to go to sleep when she suddenly screamed. Again the whole kampung came running to her aid. Turns out my mom saw a pale floating face peering at her from the window. *ok I shall not talk more about it, giving me the shivers!!!* The ladies were very kind and calmed my mom down, they even offered to stay with her for the night since my dad was away for work at that time.

Then it was the schooling days, I grow up having an Indian girl bestie. And as odd as it seems we felt like sisters. I stayed at her place once for a week or so for the Merdeka parade show to practise for our dance show and it was one of my many cherished moments of our friendship back then. I learned more about her culture and yums food, although I had a pretty tough time trying to swallow the fried bitter gourd. Needless to say bitter gourd is still not my favourite vegetable today. LOL. Too bad photography was very expensive at that time, hardly got any pictures us together, it would be really nice remembering the past through pictures. And this may come as a surprise to some, but people often mistaken me for a Malay or an Eurasian! I lost count the times people would be taken back in surprise when I speak in Mandarin or Cantonese but I think these days it’s pretty common to have other races speaking different dialects. That’s the true beauty of being a Malaysian isn’t it, that we are not conformed by our ethnicity but rather we have grown to live as 1Malaysia

So Happy 53th Independence Day to all my Malaysian friends no matter where you are in the world, remember the good old times while growing up and hopefully it’ll remind us of how far we have come as one country and continue to strive in making a better Malaysia while living together harmoniously and with respect to others

Disappointed

2010-08-24T07:29:00.002+08:00

Just when I thought I got myself the ideal job (despite the salary not as much as I earned or hoped for) everything just has to backfired on me. In case you don’t know I have been a stay-at-home-mommy (SAHM) for nearly 4 years now and I really love being a SAHM very much. Sure I’ve lost my financial independence and even though I have to sacrifice a lot of my materialistic needs for the sake of watching and being there during every moment of my daughter’s growing years, it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make. But now that Ashley’s attending school and we are moving to a place of our own, Julian has been pestering me to consider going back to the work force full time. Honestly I am very reluctant to do so because my previous job isn’t exactly the kind of profession that is greatly in demand or my last drawn salary in the category of high salaried. And plus being away from the market for more than 3 years I definitely can’t expect to be paid the same or even higher. I’ve tried to reason with him that I won’t feel comfortable at all leaving our daughter to a day-care or babysitter and frankly I won’t be able to spend much time with her knowing that I’ll come home late no thanks to the after-work traffic. Other reason why I prefer not to go back to the corporate world is that I know I won’t be able to perform well under pressure like I used to because I’ve been so comfortable in my current situation that it’s going to be extremely hard to re-adjust back to the rat race.

But I want to be fair to Julian because I know it’s already hard on him trying to support us so I toyed around the idea of having a part time job, and I started looking around and I saw something that struck my interest and slowly enthusiasm in trying it out ; assistant/teacher at kindergartens or learning centres.A dear friend shared with me a job ad for a kindergarten teacher and I got called for an interview immediately after I wrote in! I told him about it and he wasn’t that keen because of the expected salary but nevertheless I went for it and they offered me the position right away and I were to start on September. And I honestly think it’s an ideal job because I get to earn some extra cash and yet can still be a full time mommy to Ashley as I would only work for half day and since Ashley would be at school in the mornings why not right? Julian said it’s going to be troublesome because I have to be at school early and right now Ashley’s class only starts at 9.30 meaning he has to send and pick Ashley up. I understand how he feels about it because more often than not he has to work late at night and he needs his rest but I still think it’s unfair of him to just shoot down the prospect of me being a part time kindergarten teacher and yet be at home when Ashley comes back from school. Afterall it’s only for a couple of months before Ashley goes to kindergarten and then I would be able to sort out the transportation arrangement by doing it myself. Her kindergarten is on the way to my work place so another reason why it is an ideal job. Yea sure he said go ahead if you really like this job, but to say it like I’m forcing him to let me take up this role isn’t exactly the support I was hoping for. Sometimes I feel that he expects me to do everything and still come back with a big fat juicy bacon just because I’m a mother or in his words a super mommy.

I’m feeling downright disappointed, demotivated and extremely bitter right now after looking forward to some extra moolah and yet I won’t miss out much of the growing up years with Ashley but *shrugs* my joy and excitements are short-lived. The money isn’t a lot but it would be nice for a change to spend without having to let the financial officer know where the money goes to, even though it’s mostly for groceries and basic toiletries. When we bicker about money he’ll always tells me I can’t have everything that I want and it got me thinking, how is it that having a nice set of pots (that cooks for the family and fill their tummies) categorized as a selfish want from my part, or getting organic food for that matter. He even blurted out once that the reason why I spend so much on groceries only to take pictures of them and post on the blogs. Just so you know I’ve sacrificed a lot ; no more monthly pedi meni or even visits to the hair salon, no more in house cosmetic and beauty care – I’m lucky my skin can still take those off counter ones, no more shopping for nice set of clothes even getting them at pasar malams also requires me to think whether worth getting it a few times, holiday and eating out are now a luxury which I’m willing to forgo just for the sake of owning our own house. I wish to have so many things like to attend a cooking or cake decorating course, to attend fitness classes, to go out for nice dinners with my girlfriends on a monthly basis, to buy clothes and toys for Ashley, to send her to enrichment and activity classes like ballet but yet I didn’t insist for it because I know we have to tighten our belts. So pray tell me which part of these qualifies as me being a spoilt brat?

Yes you may tell me the solution is simple ; go back to work full time. But again maybe I am selfish, maybe I do want to have everything I asked for – to be a good stay at home mommy, to spend most of my waking hours nurturing my children. So yes for that I am very selfish.

Happy Weekend!

2010-08-20T06:27:00.002+08:00

Have a great weekend folks! (Man-made) beach, water slides, nice hotel room here we come! :D

1,2,3,7,8,9,10

2010-08-12T09:41:00.002+08:00

Yea that’s what Ashley will say whenever we asked her to count. No matter how many times we told her ‘ No Ashley it’s 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ‘ she would always leave out the 4 5 6 and the numbers in between. But last night during our bedtime routine ; reading and storytelling; while counting fingers with her she suddenly went ‘ Mommy, 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10’ I started shrieking with joy! And poor hubs, who was on the bed with us missed out that special moment because he’s too busy with his work to notice what was going on.

I know by this age Ashley should be able to count well but she’s always been quite behind her peers when it comes to developments like these but I wouldn’t be too worried about it. I prefer her to take things at her own pace rather than rushing her through just because she should be doing this and that according to the books.

Someday

2010-08-10T19:45:00.001+08:00

You can go
You can start all over again
You can try to find a way to make another day go by
You can hide
Hold all your feelings inside
You can try to carry on when all you wanna do is cry
Maybe someday well figure all this out
Try to put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to make things better now
And maybe someday
We’ll live our lives out loud
We’ll be better off somehow
Someday
Now wait
Try to find another mistake
If you throw it all away
Then maybe you can change you mind
You can run
And when everything is over and done
You can shine a little light on everything around you
Man it's good to be someone
I don't wanna wait
I just wanna know
I just wanna hear you tell me so
Give it to me straight
But tell it to me slow
Maybe someday
We’ll figure all this out
We’ll put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to just feel better now
Sometimes we don't really notice
Just how good it can get
So maybe we should start all over
Start all over again

Was having one of those days again and today instead of mourning about it at home, I went for a walk and sat at the park for more than an hour at first listening to sad songs and cried. After nearly an hour of crying on the swings I came across this song on my mp3 player, and it made me feel less miserable. I could have written down what made me terribly upset today but I decided not to, life’s too short to dwell on the matter and I would be better by just forgetting all about it and start all over again.

I am exhausted.

2010-08-05T19:38:00.002+08:00

From looking after a sick child who’s been having recurring fever, cold and cough for the past month ever since she started school. I’ve never felt this tired before in my entire life, everyday having to deal with a cranky toddler who has a one-track-mind. And I can’t be firm with her all the time otherwise it would just aggravate her coughing spells from all the pleading and crying. And to top it off, my other half is also falling sick and he wants some affection and attention from me which I got none to spare. He just doesn’t understand that by end of the day when she’s asleep I just want to collapse on my bed with a book or just be in front of my computer surfing the net to keep sane.

This morning I blew my top off when he commented I was being cranky after asking me to get him some medicine for him. Well who wouldn’t?! ; I was half way going upstairs to take a shower after all the cooking, washing and cleaning when he called out for me from the living hall. I went to him thinking he wanted to tell me something. Turns out he needs Panadol for his fever which was in our room upstairs. He could have saved me some energy by just telling me when I was on the stairs. Anyway I went to get him the pills and he said why I get so worked out, he could have gone to take the medicine himself since I’m so ticked off. And yeap that’s when I got really upset because I was holding the bottle of pills with a mug of water for him and all I get was ‘WHY ARE YOU SO UPSET? I’M SORRY LA THAT YOU HAVE TO GET MEDICINE FOR ME EVEN WHEN I’M SICK’. I feel so appreciated. Like really appreciated.

note: no comments are allowed, I just want to rant after a long exhausting day.

Meet R2D2, Ashley new friend

2010-07-20T20:33:00.001+08:00

Ashley’s first visit to the dentist

2010-07-15T15:08:00.002+08:00

Today , my girl went for her very first dental check up and she handled it much better than we’ve expected. Hubby said she’s going to cry at the dentist but me knowing how brave she is, I just smiled in reply. She’s been talking about seeing the dentist for weeks after watching Charlie and The Chocolate Factory which Willy Wonka’s dad is a dentist. And I thought she’d be scared because the dentist looked mean in the movie, but I think she finds the idea of someone else poking into her mouth with those instruments the same like the play pretend sessions we have at home rather than a scary affair. So after her class today, we went to the clinic and since my MIL was still in the room getting her check up , I brought her in so that Ashley can get familiarize with the room, dentist, nurse and equipment, a way of calming her nerves. Turns out it’s her mommy that needs to calm down, it’s been 4 years since I last had my dental check up and the memories of me having my braces on and seeing the dentist for more than 2 years on a monthly basis, well lets say I’m very relieved on the day I finally remove my braces.

So anyway the dentist was a kind middle aged man and Ashley was feeling comfortable around him. He asked to let Ashley lie on top of me during the check up and assured us it’s not going to be a thorough check up more like getting her used to the equipments and him. She didn’t even fuss or fidget and she opened up her mouth without us having to ask her to. My good girl! After 5 minutes it’s all done and she went around showing her nice set of teeth And during my turn, she came and hold my leg telling me not to worry and don’t be afraid of the pain. LOL

Make Over Day

2010-07-14T23:40:00.002+08:00

A nearly 3 months overdue post, sorry!! I’d make a pretty bad blogger, not blogging about the recent happenings in my life and it’s not good either when Dory, the fish has better memory than mine. Oh well, better late than never eh.

I’ve always loved a make over experience after watching the girls on America’s Next Top Model get theirs. It’s nice to have a new look especially now that I’m a stay at home mommy. I think I rock the faded tees pretty well but unfortunately I can’t wear that to go out, unless I’m a cool trendsetter which I’m not. Plus remember about my struggle in losing the weight? Well being the ever so romantic husband and wanting to kill two birds with one stone, he decided to ~~get me going with losing the bulge already~~ surprise with this ‘Total Make Over Experience’ by RedRibbon Days for our third wedding anniversary.

I didn’t expect to receive anything at all since we have to save up for the house so imagine my surprise to see this lady holding a bouquet of balloons with a small package for me. I was literally shaking with excitement wondering what this husband of mine got for me this time although he kept dropping hints about clothes, weight, clothes. How subtle. Despite my excitement, I still managed to snap a few pictures for keepsake and looks like Ashley’s into the surprise more than me . So begins my journey in trying to lose some weight.

Fast forward six months later, well I didn’t really achieve the weight I aimed for even though I kept pushing the ‘DAY’ further until the very last month and I had no choice but to utilize my anniversary pressie. The ladies at RRD were very accommodating and helpful especially Nik who constantly emailed me with the updates for the dates I prefer to have my make over and even though I kept on changing the dates, never once she let me down. In fact she was happier and excited than I was when we finally confirmed the date. 5th April was the DAY and I was feeling kinda nervous thinking what they have in store, would they have clothes in my size because as we all know most boutiques in Klang Valley only brings in clothes for the petite and slim hardly you can find any nice clothes for plus sized women (yes I’ve categorized myself as plus sized ) and it had to rain super heavily that day, not a very good sign although I did manage to get into the boutique before it started pouring. And oh did I mention that I’ve always wanted to check out BACI and so to my utter delight I found out it is the place where I’ll have my private shopping and also a make over . At the entrance leading up the boutique, I saw this

{Feeling quite the VIP already }

And guess who greeted me at the doorstep, it was Ming of MDG (Malaysian Dream Girls)! She showed me around the place and of course the clothes, I want to have them all! But alas I could only choose 3 items or a combination of clothes, accessories etc not more than RM450. Of course the clothes that I liked on the racks didn’t fit me and the people at BACI were extremely nice, they brought out some of the yet-to-be-displayed new arrivals to let me try. Of course every now and then people would try to come into the boutique but was sent away due to the private function, some even tried to peek wanting to see which lucky girl or celebrity (kononla!) having a private shopping moment. After trying on tons of clothes, I finally chose 3 dresses and 1 blouse and went on to have myself made up by the talented Becky.

I told her what kind of style that I like and she shared with me tips while working her magic on me. After nearly 2 hours, voila I’m all pretty and ahem sultry looking and it’s all thanks to Becky for bringing out my features and hiding my flaws, which explains why it took her 2 hours

After the must have photo taking session with Ming and Becky, the three of us went to have dinner at Banquet, Bangsar Village II and Ashley seeing her mommy getting her daddy to take pictures of her dolled up mommy, decided to join in as well. She shooed me away when I tried to be in the picture with her and finally we let her be in her own solo limelight

All in all, despite not being as slim as I wished to be I’m still very happy and blessed to have the both of them being part of this wonderful and once in a life time experience. Thank you darling for the wonderful gift and a huge thank you for the people at Redribbon Days for coming up with all these lovely surprises and presents and experiences.

Mommy, 4 Minutes ok

2010-07-14T08:19:00.001+08:00

Nah, she’s not talking about the song by Justin Timberlake and Madonna but rather she’s found a way around (but more like picking up the art of bargaining) in getting me to let her watch her favourite TV show for a little bit more, or play longer or sleep slightly later than her usual bedtime by telling me,

“Mommy Ashley watch/play a bit more, 4 minutes ok then I’ll go bath/sleep/get ready for school”

So usually I’ll accept her ‘proposal’ and let her continue doing whatever she’s doing until it’s time for her to go to bed etc even though it won’t be exactly after 4 minutes. And I find this way to be a much better way than the old way i.e. me nagging, dragging, bribing, threatening her to do the things I want her to do which eventually would end up with her ~~wailing and holding on to her grandparents~~ crying.

So nowadays, 20 minutes to her bedtime,

“I’ll go tell her ok 4 minutes and it’s time for bed alright”

and she’s would do it gladly and willingly without me having to force her when the 4 minutes is up. Ahh peaceful days ahead.

My biggest fan

2010-07-13T14:20:00.001+08:00

It’s no secret that I love to cook and occasionally bake. Whenever my loved ones and family praises the food that I made, I’ll have a mini celebration in my mind complete with parade and streamers and balloons and fireworks, that’s how much I love to cook for them. Ever since I exchanged the pencil skirts and crisp white shirts for the faded old t-shirt and a shorts with the word ‘BANANA’ imprinted at the back, my daily achievements no longer comes in the form of numbers but they come the form of hugs, kisses, iloveyou’s and of course expressions like these

Recipe of the yummy (Marble Loaf ) cake can be found at my foodie blog

A beautiful picture

2010-07-11T14:38:00.001+08:00

Taken by my dearest husband and I love this picture so much so that I have it as my background picture for my notebook. I can forget all the stress in the world just by looking at it everyday

Despicable Me & Toy Story 3

2010-07-10T00:02:00.001+08:00

One of our favourite family activities would be going to the cinema to watch movies (mostly cartoons/animated ones) since the Mr Daddy is a movie goer himself. Ashley’s first experience watching cartoon shows on a big screen at the cinema was when she’s about 30 months old and boy she’s been looking forward to new shows ever since. I ought to start blogging about the movies she has watched for keepsake but as always forgetful-me well totally forgot all about it until it’s too late that I couldn’t remember the movies we’ve watched.

Anyway recently we went for Toy Story 3 which I was so looking forward to it after watching Toy Story 1 & 2 nearly everyday at home with Ashley and when they started showing the teaser trailer sometime middle of last year I was so excited because I grew to love Woody and Buzz along with the other toys; Jessie and Bulls Eye, Mr & Mrs Potato Head, Slinky Dog, Rex oh Rex! Ham. I think I was more excited than Ashley when we sat down on our seats holding our boxes of popcorns and soda drinks waiting for the show to start, I’m not sure if mommyhood has turned me into a softie or Pixar has really outdone themselves yet again.That show made me cry and laugh at the same time, I cried when Andy was packing for college knowing that one day I would be like his mom, getting all emotional to see my little one has grown up, I cried when he bid his toys goodbye, the toys that has been with him since he was a little boy, I cried when I thought it would be the end of the toys during one scene (gosh I did cry a lot during the show!)but I also laughed at the flamboyant and vain pot Ken or when Buzz became a romantic Spanish Buzz Lightyear, I nearly cracked one of ribs from laughing so hard during the escape mission. And I wasn’t the only one having so much fun watching the show, Ashley was laughing so hard herself that she nearly fell from her seat! Go watch it if you haven’t but bring along tissues eh.

And last night, Mr Daddy decided to take his baby girl out for a movie after her class today and I wasn’t that keen on watching the show, I mean Despicable Me? What kind of an animated / cartoon movie that uses that word anyway and Russell Brand is in the movie! Ok I like the guy’s humour but I don’t think it’s wise to bring a 3 year old girl to watch a movie with him in it. The only person that made me go watch it anyway was Julie Andrews, so it couldn’t be all that bad right. But I’m glad we did in the end because the show was BRILLIANT! At first I was falling asleep because the whole villain stealing another villain’s work was so boring and Gru (the main character) reminded me so much of Penguin in Batman Returns.

Picture courtesy of JT Film Review

And he was a grouchy fella, causing misery to others especially small kids, not the typical role model I would like my daughter to look up to eh. But the plot starts to get interesting when 3 orphans showed up at his doorstep selling cookies and despite his malice behaviour there’s some good in him after all. I love it when his plan in using the three orphans to carry out his dirty job in the end backfired and he learned something that we all thought he’ll never experience : LOVE and FAMILY. I could go on about the movie but lets not reveal too much of the movie shall we? Go watch it, it’s a really must watch show.

Was told….

2010-07-07T22:21:00.001+08:00

……that a successful relationship requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. Always with the same person, but deeper and deeper every time. Each time on a whole new level you together open in love and discover the truth of your beloved anew. There is no limit to the beauty of your beloved. If you think you've reached the end, stop generalizing.

Playtime with Leo, the dog

2010-07-07T18:51:00.003+08:00

A Poem About Our Girlfriends

2010-07-06T21:36:00.002+08:00

I stumbled upon this poem just the other day and I’d love to share it with you, my friends :)

A POEM ABOUT OUR GIRLFRIENDS........

Someone will always be prettier.

Some will always be smarter.

Some of their houses will be bigger.

Some will drive a better car.

Their children will do better in school.

And their husband will fix more things around the house.

So let it go, and love you and your circumstances.

Think about it!

The prettiest woman in the world can have hell in her heart.
And the most highly favoured woman on your job may be unable to have children.
And the richest woman you know, she's got the car, the house, the clothes.... might be lonely.
And the word says, "If I have not Love, I am nothing."
So, again, love you.
Love who you are Look in the mirror in the morning and smile and say, "I am too blessed to be stressed and too anointed, to be disappointed!" "
Winners make things happen-- Losers let things happen."

Be "blessed" ladies..... and pass this on to encourage another woman.

"Angels Do Exist...but, sometimes, they don't have wings, We call them Friends!"

And I’m glad I have a few especially during my dark days :)

July

2010-07-02T15:11:00.001+08:00

Started off badly for us, first Julian’s car got hit from the back when he’s reversing out from our house (second time!!) and the Alphard driver claimed we were in the wrong by saying it’s a straight road, that she saw us reversing out and that we should drive back into the house’s driveway even though we’re already out on the road to give way to her. I went WTH?! Then later that night, her husband came over to discuss about the accident. And they want us to pay for their damages!! WTH and even though Julian said it’s not fair might as well lodge a report with the police and claim insurance, he refused so in the end we said fine we shall all pay for our own damages. But I have a feeling the guy wasn’t satisfied and this morning on the way home after I sent Ashley for her classes, I saw him making rounds outside of our house. Sigh praying now he doesn’t cause us any trouble.

And second, this morning I couldn’t find any parking lot so I just parked at this reserved lot. Ok I admit I was at fault but I’m not the only one and I was only going to be away less than 5 minutes. The other parents they do the same too! But it’s really not my day at all because I got shouted by this bloody guard, he was so freaking rude calling me stupid woman and he didn’t even raise his voice at the other parent who was a guy driving a big car parked next to me. I just ignored his out right rudeness and said ok only 5 minutes alright. So when I came down to my surprise the owner of the lot parked his car behind mine and blocking me completely. I apologized to him while he was getting his bag out from the car, but wow seriously I’ve never met anyone quite like him. He totally ignored me and walked away while that stupid bloody guard kept on shouting again, see I told you stupid woman good la park like that. The other parent asked if I’m alright and he was also surprised the guy didn’t even move his car because he wasn’t only blocking my car but also the other parent’s. So luckily we could manoeuvre our cars out and I showed the finger to the guard.

So it came to my conclusion that most big cars owners really think they own the road based on my encounters with not only these two incident but many others.. Especially if the driver’s a female lagi la, they just don’t give face you know. Of course I’m sure not all big cars drivers are like that but 9 out of 10 are. I just hope my friends belongs to that minority group of civilised big car drivers.

Now I really need to mandi bunga.

Things so far

2010-06-30T22:19:00.001+08:00

Hey y’all, :) I don’t know if I should even write something here because I’m having one of those days again and I don’t even feel like writing anything except for the random updates over at my Facebook profile. I just don’t know why I’m so angry all the time, is it really that I’m not grateful with what I have or that I’m just demanding too much or simply I’m just being difficult. It’s hard trying to explain it to someone when I myself also not sure what’s going on. I wish I could put all the blame on a particular issue but I guess it’s just not fair although everyone’s pretty sure that’s the reason why I’m feeling depressed. I just wish things would be better soon cos I’m tired of feeling down and unhappy all the time. I want to do something about it but I couldn’t think of anything.

But anyway despite the dark clouds looming above me, there is still some rays of sunshine in the form of Ashley :) She’s starting to get used to the class and doesn’t cry at all now. She would now bid me goodbye without me having to coax her into entering the classroom. And she’s a vision whenever I picked her up from school. So cheerful and happy to see us. It’s only me that I’m feeling bad each time I dropped her off at school. I feel like I’m abandoning her so that I can have my 2 hours of sane time. Not that she’s making me insane but I have to be honest, I get quite a lot of things done during that 2 hours. And from tomorrow onwards she would be going for the daily (5 days a week) session from 9.30am to12.00pm so hopefully I could get all those backlogged chores and blogs post sorted out and be right back on track. I even dismantled her crib bed to make way for her ‘study/play corner’ which I’ve been wanting to do it for months. She doesn’t sleep on the bed anymore and it has turned into a mini storage area cum clothes hanger and Julian’s been complaining the room’s pretty messy lately. Hmm maybe that’s the reason why I’m feeling down all the time, I should spend some time de-cluttering the room, perhaps that would bring in more positive chi which I desperately need right now.

Review : Nando’s Peri Medic

2010-06-26T00:11:00.001+08:00

Check out my foodie blog for the review

The early days of her ‘singing career’

2010-06-24T20:33:00.001+08:00

I was organising my pictures and putting them into respective folders (and I just realized I have about 200 recipes that yet to be posted! talk about procrastination!) when I stumbled upon this video of her singing and dancing. She’s probably around 18 months old at that time since she’s still sucking a pacifier. Anyway stay tuned for more videos :P

She’s improving

2010-06-23T18:22:00.001+08:00

On Monday, she stayed at home and just refused to go school despite us coaxing, giving her treats, promised to bring her for a joyride if she goes school. Anything and everything but she just refused to budge and cried the whole day. So today we didn’t tell her we are going to school like always just told her we are going out and crossed our fingers hoping she’ll enjoy herself at the new place thinking maybe it’s the class that she didn’t like instead of the teachers and friends(they moved to a new place during the school holidays).

Once we reached the new place, she started to feel a little apprehensive and true enough she cried and held on to us when we told her that she has to go to school while mommy and daddy goes to work. Even though I felt really bad but I told Julz to leave even though she’s crying. We hugged, kissed and said our goodbyes and didn’t glance back. It was such a horrible feeling, leaving your child crying like that but what choice do we have? Otherwise she would never learn to grow up and learn to adapt with life outside from home. I came back, quickly did my chores and cooked lunch but couldn’t help thinking, ‘what if she cries the entire 2 hours’ ‘what if she hates me for leaving her there’ ‘what if she’s scared of school later on’ the many what-ifs.

I went to pick her up around 11.40 and I was about 10 minutes early before her class dismissal time. So I watched through the window and she was doing alright! No crying or just after crying. She was listening to the teacher telling stories and sitting with her friends, laughing and playing with them. When it’s time to go home, she waited for her turn to collect her stuffs with a smiling face. The moment she saw me I thought she would bawl like usual but no she just came running towards me and knocked me over with a big hug and said ‘Mommy!’. The teachers said this time she’s doing much better, usually after snack time she would start looking for us but not today. She cried for a while before joining the class according to them and I couldn’t be any happier to hear that.

We went to get ice creams and I took my car for a wash. So the two of us sat in a car full of bubbles and foams while eating our ice creams, I asked her how was her day and even though she still said she doesn’t want to go school, this time she told what she did in class, that she played with her friends and ate Koko Krunch with them. So I take it as a good sign that she’s improving.

Hopefully she’ll start to feel more at ease on the next class which is this Friday. Can’t wait for July to come so she could attend the school everyday instead of every alternate days. I’m thinking maybe that’s why it’s taking her so long to adapt to the new place.

She hates school!

2010-06-21T22:14:00.001+08:00

Aiiih today was supposed to be week three after a week long break and instead of being excited she was tormented and was crying so badly at the mere mention of the word ‘ school’ I’m really feeling drained out by her tantrums today, I know she’s going through a rough day today but come on, crying non stop at the smallest thing and whacking our hands away, pushing and kicking us, SCREAMING at us. Wah I’m surprised I didn’t stuff her back to my womb man.

I just don’t get it you know, why she hates going to the new place. She was ok during the two trial classes before we signed up and was still alright during the first week didn’t really came out looking for us when we were just outside the class making sure she’s alright. Week 2 was a disaster, she gave excuses like her hand hurts, she’s tired and wants to go home to sleep, she wants to go to find her popo. I stayed with her only because she was crying so badly and I tried get her to know a few other kids there by playing games and singing songs and letting myself be one of the petting zoo’s animals. Yea every kid was intrigued by my long hair and colorful nail colors. I know I should have just left her there, say my goodbyes but this commando mommy actually feel heartache to see her poor baby cry like that. But one thing I didn’t like was the helper’s attitude she’s the usual strict makcik type, don’t play like this, sit down, don’t disturb the aunty, go and play elsewhere’ That kind of stuffs. I wonder if it’s due to this Ashley’s reluctant to go to school.

Anyway we tried coaxing her today, telling her how fun it would be with her friends, reading and playing together but no matter how much we coaxed her she’s pretty adamant in not going to school at all. I myself was about to throw in the towel only because I can’t take the tantrums but opinions and advises by friends to my SOS in Facebook earlier today helped a lot in assuring me I’m not the only parent that goes through this or there’s something wrong with Ashley. She just needs more time. I think she’s just overwhelmed by so many kids and at the same time trying to adapt to a new environment.

Although I must say I wasn’t amused by her temperamental antics today luckily the Mr Daddy was there to settle her down. I would have ignored her the whole day if she didn’t scare herself silly and asked for hugs and kisses while saying

‘mummy hick hick I hick can’t talk hick hick ‘ ‘mommy hick hick heelp Ashley hick hick can’t hick talk’ aihhhh Ashley oh Ashley. Hopefully tomorrow you’ll wake up from the right side of the bed

Blogging from home sweet (Malacca) home

2010-06-19T21:40:00.001+08:00

Yay, finally we have internet connection at home! The last time we used dial up (before broadband was even introduced so you know how many donkey years ago was that) and because it’s so expensive we can’t really use it unless it’s very important like for school stuffs (as if la!)

Thanks to the generosity of my Uncle D, now my parents can chat with Ashley every night and at least I won’t feel so bad not going back to my parents place often or when Ashley misses them.

Was showing them how to use skype earlier on, and they were so excited talking to my aunt in KL and now my aunt gets to see her son (whom my mom is currently looking after) everyday on the computer.

Internet sure is the best tool ever invented by mankind. Brings people closer to their loved ones no matter where they are :)

Teaching her to be street smart

2010-06-16T19:59:00.001+08:00

After her shower, while drying her up I was teaching her how to say No whenever a stranger tries to touch or grab hold of her seeing that news of kids being kidnapped are so rampant these days. So after a few rounds of ‘No don’t touch me! Help help!!! No no go away!’ I told her that I’m going to pretend to be an uncle she doesn’t know and tries to catch her.

Ashley : Mommy how can you be (an) uncle, you’re not a man. You’re a woman.

Me :

A mother’s love (sure as heck) knows no boundaries

2010-06-15T15:07:00.001+08:00

Just recovering from a high fever (39 degrees Celsius)terrible flu and bad cough plus still waiting for the H1N1 (swine flu) test results to be out, this mother still had the energy to make her baby cupcakes. Why? cos baby’s also recovering from a bout of flu and still coughing and she really wanted to have some cake to eat after my first batch of Vanilla Sponge Cake and I thought that cake would last us a few days, but lo behold it was all eaten up by Ashley (ok I had 1-2 slices).

Was having these for breakfast when she started whining for the cupcakes, so I dragged my tired self up and proceed to make them cakes for her even without looking at the recipe. Jadi jadi la tak jadi makan la :D I know I should be resting and all, but takkan I don’t make the cakes for her seeing that she wants it so badly? I don’t have the heart to see her cry like that. And it’s the least I can do anyway.

And to my great surprise, the cake turn out great well better than my first attempt anyway. Ashley’s one happy gal now that she has her fix of cakes and my fever’s back boohooo. Going to pop some flu tablet and get some rest. Thank goodness Ashley still takes her 3 hours long afternoon nap! Do check out my foodie blog for the recipe although I’m not very happy with the write up :( forgive me my dear readers, once I’m all well I promise a much nicer write ups okays?

And you want to know how terrible I look? Please make sure your lunch’s well digested by now ok. Even I scared myself

I hold

2010-06-11T17:20:00.001+08:00

We were watching Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs last night and as always we were singing some of the songs together

Mommy : Heigh ho heigh ho heigh ho

Ashley : No no not HI HO, it’s I HOLD mommy, I HOLD not HI HO. See my mouth I hold.

Mommy :

Holding you for the very first time

2010-06-04T09:14:00.000+08:00

Watching this reminded me how close we were to losing you, not able to sing lullabies to you, not able to hug and kiss you to sleep every night and first thing in the morning, not able to hear you call us mommy and daddy.

Mommy wrote this when you were 2 years and 6 months old and I thought since I’m starting to remember more about the day, I’ll write it down.

19 March 2007, at 8.42pm was the day you were born and boy oh boy, you sure didn’t want to come out earlier than your due date (22 March). Mommy decided to induce as per Dr’s instructions as he’s going to be away on your expected date of delivery.

So on a Sunday evening, a day before your big day we checked into hospital but before that mommy had pizza for dinner, after all it’s going to be a long suffering 30 days of ginger, wine, vinegar infused meals (which I absolutely hate) before I can eat normal food again. After the paper works were done, mommy changed into the hospital robe and the nurse gave me some medication to kick start the inducing of labor process. We slept pretty early to get ready for all the actions the next morning. The nurse woke us up at the crack of down the next day to get me ready for the next step; breaking the water bag. And when I saw a long hook like tool the Dr was holding, I nearly freaked out and wanting to stop the whole thing with this on my mind ‘ Let’s wait shall we, the natural way ‘ but of course part of me wanted to have you out so badly already.

So we continued and nurse put me on some IV drip to help mommy open bigger in order for you come out. While waiting, Dr suggested that I take something light to eat and do some walking along the corridor but I was feeling very icky with the water still dripping down my legs and then I started to feel the first wave of contractions. It hurt like anything!! When you’re bigger and having your menstrual cramps, well times that pain 100 times more :D

Since mommy insisted that I didn’t want to take epidural, I had to settle with a jab and honestly it didn’t work at all. I was still feeling the pain and asked for the next best thing, laughing gas. I was inhaling the gas so often that I started to feel very light headed and add that with pain that rips through my body every few minutes. Not a very good combo. I was sobbing all the time, asking your daddy to help me but most times just scolding your daddy. LOL. We were supposed to hear your first cries announcing your arrival in the afternoon as expected but by 6p.m. and a few dosage of the laughing gas plus an admission of epidural and oh guess what, mommy managed to squeeze in some naptime, everyone was getting worried and Dr suggested that we should go for c-sect if there are no signs of you coming out.

While waiting for them to prepare the O.T, mommy gave a last hard push and instead of cries of joy, there were dead silence apart from the buzzing of the machines. Still in daze, I barely held you in my arms before Dr had to take you away to the cleaning table and everyone was fussing over you. I kept asking your daddy, ‘what’s wrong, what’s happening, why aren’t you crying’ but daddy could only held my hands while he tried to get some answers. I could see the Dr was trying to make you cry and when I saw them putting on the oxygen mask on you, my heart just stopped but I was still so tired from the labor to even cry. Then they took you to another room and daddy followed leaving me all alone in the O.T I just stared blankly at the ceiling praying things would be ok. After they wheeled me into my room, I was slipping out and in of unconsciousness that I couldn’t remember what exactly happened after that.

Everyday I would walk or daddy would wheel me to your special room just to look or touch you and the third day after your birth, I can never forget that. I held you for the very first time! And we even took a video of me singing to you (I know you’ll probably cringe in embarrassment with my lack of talent in singing when you’re older but hey don’t complain ok, at least I sung only to you and no one else before) And when you gave a very faint smile, the sight of you smiling just took my breath away. :)

My baby – Ashley Kirsten Sim

2010-06-02T14:57:00.002+08:00

A precious little flower
that is in constant bloom
I watch as yet another milestone
around the corner looms.
It seems like only yesterday
that we shared a breath
but now it seems like tomorrow
you will leave and I'll be left.
A tiny little angel
that always is in flight
as soon as you came into my life
you brought me so much light.
Your beauty is so stunning
your smile makes me melt
I'm so proud to be your mommy
It's the best I've ever felt.
Oh perfect little princess
with you I'm so in love
every night before I dream
I thank the lord above.
How did I get so lucky
to have as sweet of a gift as you
If ever you should need me
there's nothing I wouldn't do.

Poem taken from http://www.lovethepoem.com/daughter-poems/

Preparing her for school

2010-06-01T22:14:00.001+08:00

Ashley’s first exposure to a learning environment aside from home was with Kids’ Gallery Creative Arts at One Utama when she was about 32 months old. We chose this centre based on our affordability and also her interests in arts and crafts. Plus it’s very convenient for us since 1U’s our weekend home :P.I was hoping her social skills with other kids would improve because she was quite hostile towards kids her age and she used to bully my cousin who is 6 months younger than her! And of course I get the chance to meet other mommies and have some interaction with other adults as well because I was getting quite out of touch with the outside world.

When we signed her up for the school holidays programme in December last year I was expecting a couple of kids but to my surprise at that time there were only two of them in the class; Ashley & Z. But I guess it’s because they were still new in Malaysia and didn’t have enough publicity yet. And her very first project was a Ratatouille inspired craft and after the school holiday programme we signed her for another 2 terms of Art Play, for kids aged 16 months to 3 years old( 1 term = 8 classes, once every week). We could see she’s improving when it comes to interacting with other kids and she’s able to take and listen to directions/instructions from the teachers.

I must say this girl of mine, she’s quite independent in the sense that she doesn’t really need us to be around her during classes but of course we had to, to aid her with her projects. And even though sometimes we would help her out, she would brush us away saying no follow Ashley’s way, paint like this, no no like this. *shake head*

And I could see that she’s mighty proud of herself each time the teacher pass her projects at the end of each term and this has definitely build up her confidence level in expressing herself more whether verbally or emotionally. She’s always been reserved until she joined this programme.

Of course we aren’t exactly the type of parents that wants their children to score all As in exams, we just want her to enjoy lessons in a stress free environment doing something she truly enjoys doing. And she obviously look forward to each week to new stuffs to learn, new stuffs to work on. And of course her new friends.

Sadly after 3 terms with them, we decided to take her out of the programme. It’s still a good programme but at her age, she needs more play time outside of home and we definitely can’t afford anything more than RM350 a month and prior to that decision we were scouting around for the next best option plus on the search for her kindy. We’re planning to send her next year when she turned 4 which I think the appropriate age for her to start the formal education.

So after 2 trial classes with Vital Years we decided to give it a try and yesterday was her very first day at ‘school’. It’s not an exam oriented learning environment or there are home works to do. Basically this programme helps your child to develop their interests in reading using English as their only language medium during the classes. They help your child to read better, write better and speak better. I may brag a little, but Ashley has always been quite fluent in English for her age maybe because we all communicate in English around her so I wasn’t really worried about her fitting in, we just want her to socialize with other kids and plus she loves to read recently. So for the first month seeing that it’s a school holiday month we signed up for a three times a week , 2 hours session before moving on to a daily 2.5 hours session in July.

So far she’s loving the class although she was feeling a bit scared mixing with other kids, she has never been in a room full of kids before and she find it hard trying to get to know them. We waited for her outside of the class room just in case she looked for us, but as expected she didn’t really need us there only for a few occasions where she would came out saying a kid accidentally kicked her leg, or snatched a toy from her etc. And one time she came out crying and I asked why. She said one of the girl scowled at her and despite her efforts in befriending her by asking ‘Smile, why are you so angry’ the girl still continue scowling at her. So my poor baby Ashley couldn’t take it and came out crying. I told her ‘Well just go say Hi, my name is Ashley. Can we be friends’ while drying up her tears. She went back to the room and tried to get some positive response from the girl. I felt so amused but at the same time sad because this would probably happen again and I just hope she would know how to cope with that situation.

But she did seem to enjoy the new environment, carrying her bag with her lunchbox and sitting down eating P B & J bread with her classmates during snack time and listening attentively to the teacher during story time and she was alright during the one on one session where the teacher would guide her in reading a book. Of course she cried a little when we told her it’s time to go back. But we managed to coax her by saying she would see them again soon. So tomorrow it’s her second day and hopefully she would continue liking the class.

Anyway after a long post, here are some of her projects and pictures of her ‘hard at work’ during her enrolment with Kids Gallery :) and oh two videos of her painting

I’m sorry

2010-05-26T21:54:00.001+08:00

I was contemplating if I should write this but after a long time pondering over this matter, I think I should, so that you know why I did it to you baby. I was never popular amongst the small kids even though your Poh Poh has been babysitting kids since I was 9 years old as I’ve always known as the fierce Jie Jie. I hate kids who cries or throw tantrum and I was ever so fortunate that you were such an easy baby to look after. Not fussy, nor cranky I can’t even remember how you were when you were teething because frankly I couldn’t remember you acting differently than your usual bubbly baby self.

But recently, I guess staying at home for 3 years (and counting) and not doing something for myself has taken a toll on me. I’m beginning to feel weary having to wake up and do the same thing all over again. And I get worked up so easily at the tiniest things. There are days where I was feeling so depressed that I took it out on you especially when you are throwing your tantrums but you are just a toddler. I would spank you real hard till the point you would wince whenever I raise my hands. I know things has reached such a crucial point when one day after spanking you I kneel down next to you sobbing and apologizing profusely to you. And despite what I did, you whilst still crying hugged me and said to me ‘It’s ok mummy, don’t be sad. Don’t cry ok’ . I despised myself at that time for being such a terrible mom. I can’t even hold my temper and let it out on you just because I was having one of those moments. I should be the one you depend on and not some emotional punching bag for your mother. I was so afraid that I’ll turn into an abusive person that I was beginning to have one of those crazy thoughts of just packing my bags and run away or worst hurt myself in order to not hurt you.

I guess I’m not that good of a mother everyone thought me to be. I just feel really terrible each time I hit you, it’s like I’m a different person, a monster. I know what I did was wrong but I still couldn’t stop myself and only after hearing you cry so pitifully only I realized what I have just did. I know by writing this people would start to think the worse in me but I really don’t care. I just want you, my beloved daughter to know that I’m remorseful and I want to change. I want to be a better mother for you.

People have been telling me things would be better once we move out, but what will I do if within the period before we finally have our own place I did something terrible. I could never forgive myself then, hence that’s why I’m writing this to serve as a reminder for me to always keep my cool. My promise to you baby that I’ll try be more optimistic.

And baby, I’m terribly sorry for all the pain mommy has inflicted on you and the burden of having to be my pillar of strength. I don’t know what I did in my previous my life to have you. I really don’t deserve you at all but I’m forever grateful that you choose me to be your mommy.

I love you.

She loves to read

2010-05-21T23:11:00.001+08:00

Since she was a baby, just like any new parents we bought tons of baby books for Ashley but unfortunately this girl of mine rather watch the telly than to read her books. Until recently she’s beginning to show some interest in books and we have been reading to her everyday. So one night she decided to read to me instead and boy I was one proud mummy!

And sorry that you have to tilt your head to the side to view the video. I took this using hubby’s Iphone and I didn’t really know how it works until I viewed it later. If only they have the option to rotate :D

Oh ya can you guess which book she was reading to me?

Yogurt

2010-05-19T21:06:00.001+08:00

If it’s good to be eaten, it’s definitely good for your face!

I wanted to have yogurt for dinner earlier but to my dismay the yummy goodness expired yesterday! So not wanting to throw it away , I had a sudden thought, facial mask! And the spoon comes in handy as well, like those mask application brush used by beauty saloons? Well after 20 minutes, not only my face is still in one piece, it’s soft and supple! The kind that goes boing boing when you tap your finger on your skin. *boing boing*

*Note please don’t use expired items ok, I’m just too broke to afford facial masks and not wanting to waste the one-day expired yogurt. But yes you may use yogurt for facial mask. Google it up and you’ll find a lot of homemade facial mask.

Here we go again

2010-05-17T23:03:00.001+08:00

Fresh after a round of intense campaigning for votes, here I am asking yet again for you to vote but this time is for the three of us. I didn’t expect to be shortlisted when I clicked submit but anyway we did so please vote for us ya? :) This round I doubt I have the ‘energy’ to get friends and family to vote though. :P

Anyway just click here to vote. Contest ends at 10.00 am next Monday and this time no registration is required. Just vote using your email add and validate your email (on the same page) by keying in the verification code. Simple as that!

And just so you know, yours truly got the second prize in My Mum, My Diva contest but more about it in the next post along with my birthday dinner, Ashley’s classes, my make over experience well yea you get the picture. I’m waaaaayyy behind my blogging deadlines.

A lovely surprise

2010-05-17T16:21:00.001+08:00

It certainly did cheer my day up :)

Flu & Fitting

2010-05-06T09:10:00.001+08:00

My annual sick bug decided to pay me a visit a few months earlier than its scheduled appointment. So here I am, recovering from a bad cold, battling with sore throat and cough with phlegm. Thank goodness Julian works from home otherwise I think I’ll die even faster. Ok la drama abit but I hardly fall sick and when I do it’s really bad plus Ashley’s very chatty these days. Kept on asking me things but I’m still very touched each time she comes and asked if I’m alright, if I’m still in pain. She even took the digital thermometer and checked my temperature then proudly show me the readings (even though she doesn’t know how to read it) ‘see mommy no more fever! '’ Well which is true la since my fever has gone down at that time. hehe . This morning she held my face in her hands, turned it from one side to another and in a serious doctor tone ‘ Mommy you feel any pain? Fever? You feel better?’ I have my own in house doctor! :P And I felt so bad because I was so sick, I forgot to tell Julian to go get a new tin of formula milk for Ashley after we have used up the last tin. Last night she wanted milk, I tried to give her Dutch Lady’s full cream milk, after giving it a taste she gave me a look and asked me ‘ What is this? Urgh I don’t want this milk’ LOL so poor baby has to eat PB&J bread for dinner. Well not that she’s complaining. :D

So yesterday was the fitting day at Jaspal for my outfit during the My Mum, My Diva finals this Sunday and I wasn’t really looking forward to it because I felt so terrible with the cold, and my body’s bloated like I’m 5 months preggy urgh. So obviously nothing really fits it’s either I found the perfect top and no pants, or the perfect dress but showing off my flaws (arms!!!!) But of course I’m no diva not going to throw a tantrum and demanded a custom made dress so I’m just going to work the dress big arms or not :D It was a really nice experience after my make over day, because I get to try nearly all the clothes in the shop. You should see the piled up clothes on the counter after we were done! And even though we didn’t get to chat much (me having a bad cold don’t want to spread the germs around) I had a jolly good time with the mummies and the two ladies from Sunway Marketing Team. And Sam, please make sure you choose my less fatty pictures for the presentation ok. :P But I think the person that had the most fun would be them

I’m in the finals!

2010-04-26T18:33:00.001+08:00

And it’s all thanks to each and everyone who voted for me nonstop during that 1 week! I’m completely over the moon right now and never would I thought that I’ll be in the finals. There are so many other mums aside from me and they are amazing! So I dedicate this little win of mine to them. You mummies are simply the best, Top 5 or not!

I was told there would be another round of voting on the day of the Finals, and thinking about it I have butterflies in my stomach! But really I won’t ask for much, it doesn’t matter if I didn’t get the grand prize. I’m still very happy to be in the finals!

I’m just going to be myself during the finals, have a great fun time and leave everything to God :)

So thank you once again everyone. I mean it with all my heart!

On different note, please do come and have a wonderful time at Atrium Cafe and Lounge, Pyramid Tower Hotel of Sunway Resort Hotel & Spa on this Mother’s day during the finals. Bring your granma, your mom, your wife, your aunty, all the moms in your life and give them a treat during this Mother’s Day. There would be make up booths and massaging corners for the ladies and great prizes as well amongst other things. So bring them over yea.

For more info check out at their website!

Lots of love from the

Delightful, Interesting, Vivacious, Alesia!

Quote of the day

2010-04-26T13:46:00.001+08:00

Someone once wrote this

“If people are trying to pull you down, be proud about it, because it only confirms that you are above them”

Shall not let whatever happened bothered me much, but still am upset and sorry that it happened in such a manner. *weak smile and sigh*

A thank you note

2010-04-25T18:46:00.001+08:00

Phew, it’s finally over! A week long of persistent non stop campaign for votes. It’s time to focus on other things in life like the long over due review on my birthday dinner at Sage on my foodie blog and Ashley’s lessons also not to forget a write up of my make over day!

I would like to say thank you so much to those who has been voting for me continuously since day 1. It's been a great experience all in all for this stay at home mommy whose life before only revolves around her family. I know now that I can still make an impact with my life even though I'm a mother, that life doesn't have to stop the moment you exchanged the power suit with an apron. That I'm an inspiration to at least one person through my love for cooking and my love of being a mother. I've connected with so many new friends and found long lost old friends through this wonderful contest. And most importantly now I can share with my lil girl when she's older that hey your mom is one of the shortlisted for a contest for the very first time in her life!! So I thank you once again my dear family and friends. And not to forget the wonderful team behind this contest : Sunway Resort Hotel & Spa

*************************************************************************

To all the mothers,
Whether we go through the finals or not, we are all DIVAs to our loved ones and from one mother to another, here's a toast to our achievements in each and every life we have touched no matter how insignificant you may think it is.
It's been a really great experience to be part of this contest, to know so many other wonderful and amazing mums apart from my own mommy and grannies. It's something that I will always cherish till the day I die

{My girl saying vote for mummy! }

This is it, folks

2010-04-25T02:57:00.001+08:00

It’s the last day of the contest, voting would be closed to the public at 5.00pm today.So if you wish to vote for me, you have till 5pm to do so. I do thank each and everyone who has been voting for me continuously from the bottom of my heart. I’m truly blessed to have the support from loved ones and friends. Friends who I haven’t been keeping in touch to my surprise helped me out with the VOTE-FOR-ALESIA campaign, friends whom I met through forums asking their friends to vote for me. All their gesture and efforts in ensuring that people do vote for me warms my heart tremendously. Even if I don’t get to the finals, I’m still very contented with what I have achieved so far in this competition. After all I didn’t expect to be shortlisted in the first place with my ‘wonderful’ description of myself. :D

Compared to the rest of the mums, I’m definitely not as remarkable as them but I’m happy to have people coming up to me telling me how I’ve inspired them through my cooking and my carefree attitude towards life. Being in this contest, it might sound corny but it actually taught me a few lessons in life from the other mums, like how I should be thankful with what I have even though it may not be what I wished for. And that I should be proud of myself even though I don’t think highly of what I’ve done so far as a mother. But one thing for sure, life will never be the same anymore with exposure I’ve gained from this contest.

Even though I’m glad that this will be over soon, I’ll definitely miss all the campaigning for votes activities. I’m the last person to look for when it comes to persuading others to do something so it’s a great feeling to have people voting for me. You made me realize the true meaning of being the D I V A, Delightful, Interesting, Vivacious, Alesia!

Once again thank you very much everyone for your support and love and also to the Sunway Resort Group for coming up with this contest. You guys are simply the best!

The heat is on

2010-04-23T14:40:00.001+08:00

With just 2 days left before contest ends, all the Diva Mums including myself are on the move to get their friends and family to cast their votes for their favourite Diva Mum till the very last second. Honestly, as the contest progresses I’m beginning to feel slightly just slightly exhausted as it’s not THAT easy to get everyone to vote for you. Plus the more I get to know other Diva Mums the more I felt like I’m not like one.

All of them are such wonderful mums with remarkable achievements in their lives. I feel so honoured to be part of the contest. I’ve never done anything that made my parents proud of me, always been a troublemaker in school for not passing on my homeworks and lied about it. The only time that I actually achieved something was during my UPSR and PMR having straight As but that was short-lived because I failed (No As except for my English paper) in my SPM. While all my friends were getting ready for their enrolment at the best universities and colleges both local and abroad, I got stuck in Malacca. I’m grateful that my parents still sent me to further my studies but again I disappointed them again when I couldn’t continue to degree level.

Thought that if I come out to work, things would be better yet I was wrong, everyone else is getting a nice pay cheque whilst I was trying to make do with a less-than-RM2K salary a month. And to make things worse, I got pregnant ok it’s not the worst thing but you know what I mean. Getting pregnant before you’re married, that’s a big taboo for Asians. My mom kept telling me that I should go back to work, that being a stay at home mommy, you lose out on alot of things. Yes you may spend alot of quality time with your kids but by end of the day what would become of you, that’s what my mom always asks me. To a point it’s quite true, I won’t lie that I don’t feel jealous to see other moms being financially stable while I have to depend on my hubby. Even though he’s working very hard to provide for the two of us, sometimes I’m just so frustrated when I can’t afford the little things I used to enjoy and having to explain my spending to my husband. Not to mention being at home I lost the interaction with other adults.

When I had my blogs, I started feeling alive again. I started to get to know more people, started to connect to the world again. And when I was offered the opportunity to enter myself for the contest and eventually being one of the shortlisted ones, I was so ecstatic about it. Something to prove to myself and to the rest of SAHMs, that just because I’m not earning my own money, or climbing the corporate leader makes me less worthy of a woman. To some, you may not comprehend the effect this contest have on me but trust me any kind of recognition even though it’s just a title, it helps to boost whatever confidence I have left.

But if I don’t win by end of the day, I’m still very grateful and thankful to even be shortlisted in the first place let alone to be one of the Top 5 Diva Mums. I would never in my life expect to have so many people; friends, family and folks whom I don’t know; voting for me.

To all the mothers out there, you’re a Diva in your own special ways and to your loved ones :)

Pork Curry

2010-04-22T10:10:00.001+08:00

Click here for the recipe!

My first contest!

2010-04-19T01:06:00.003+08:00

A few weeks ago, someone approached me via FB saying that I should join this contest. Well at first I was kinda flattered that someone whom I don’t know at all, came up to me after stumbling upon my blog, thinks I’m an interesting person should at least try this out. I thought to myself yea why not, no harm done and when I was asked to write something interesting about myself, I was stumped thinking what to write and I ended up writing I love poker amongst other stuffs. I totally forgot all about it until I saw a notification on my FB awhile go, I went and checked the site out, wanting to look at the contestants, lo behold I saw my name and face! From excitement slowly changed into embarrassment after I clicked on the View More Info link. Now the whole of Malaysia knows I’m a mother that loves to play poker. LOL

So anyway do vote for me, it would be nice to win something for once :D

Thanks!

Vote for me!

p.s you can vote for me up to three times a day, everyday!

Damn all these snatch thieves!

2010-04-14T14:03:00.002+08:00

Sorry for the not so appropriate headlines but I’m so angry right now, my parents told me about this incident last weekend and I have been searching high and low for the video clip. Finally found it and I’m extremely shocked to see how daring the snatch thieves are these days. Being a victim not once but twice and a nearly thrice times to these snatch thieves, I know how it feels to lose all your hard earned money and belongings to them. I always tell everyone to walk facing the flow of the traffic and your belongings should be away from the roads (meaning if the road is on your left, the bag should be on your right and vice versa) and I practice that all the time until that fateful day. Was walking with my bro heading to the pasar malam near our house and we have to walk along the main road till I saw this guy on a motorcycle parked at the roadside infront of us, feeling uneasy I switched places with my brother and continued walking. Suddenly he revved his engine and before I knew it my bag was snatched! Just like that!! My brother tried to give chase but the thief was going uphill. I cried as if I lost someone dear and no one came to my aid, the joggers just gave me a funny look and continued with their jogging. We went to file a report at the police station and 5 mins later a couple walked in and based on their description of the snatch thief, it’s the same guy who snatched me before them. Can you imagine the gall of the thief?! Ohh so angry!

And once you’ve been snatched you developed this sixth sense and paranoia, each time you see a motorcycle you can’t help but to keep your guards up. Like the other day, was out with Julian and Ashley to look at furniture and thank God I had Julian to carry Ashley because as we were crossing the road towards our car, I saw two men on the bike and I quickly sandwiched my purse between myself and the car. True enough, they picked up speed and swooped so near to me that I thought they would smack me or something, instead they snatched the bag off a girl whom just walked past me! Goodness and the girl I think she was still in shock or something just continued walking as if nothing happened. Aihh

P.s I also think that the victim shouldn’t have worn so many jewelleries while jogging.

Joy!!!

2010-04-12T17:54:00.002+08:00

I just came back from Muar over the weekend and I’m feeling super stoked right now after reading an email which I didn’t expect to receive. I'm being shortlisted for a job which I merely applied out of curiosity. OK it's only shortlisted but hey I've been out of the corporate world for more than 3 years now eh and yet they are still considering me for the position. All I need to do is to submit an essay on a place of interest of my choice.

Oh my gosh, I really couldn’t believe my eyes when they wrote my application was a good one and the best part if I do get the job, it’s home based!! whooo hoooo.. ok don’t want to jinx it but do you blame me? It’s like getting an A for a test that I never studied for, talk about luck :P

*dancing around the room* wooohooo!!!

It’s another hot day

2010-04-08T16:00:00.001+08:00

Guess what I found when I went to buy milk formula for Ashley; Paddle Pop!!! This yummy rainbow coloured toffee flavoured ice cream which I used to enjoy alot when I was younger. You see while growing up, me and my brother we don’t get to go out as often as we would liked. No McDs or KFCs, no movies, unless it’s for a special occasions and so our only treats were this cold yummy delightful rainbow on a stick.

Whenever we hear this ‘ Paddle Pop, Wow! Paddle Pop, Yeah! Super Duper Yummy!’ we’d quickly run out and wait for the ice cream man at the gate. It’s been ages since I last had this, and eating Paddle Pop on a hot day like today is oh so heavenly!

Having her

2010-04-07T09:49:00.001+08:00

..is the best thing that ever happened in my life. Last night I was having a bad tummy ache and Ashley actually took care of me while her daddy was busy attending a conference call. She would asked if I’m feeling better or assured me that I WILL feel better in a very soothing way. Every now and then she checked my forehead to see if I was having a fever, she would make sure the blanket covers me, she even asked if I wanted to go see the doc and the most touching part of all, she said to me ‘Mommy, Ashley hold your hand ok? Don’t worry ya, everything would be ok. I love you’

I really wanted to cry when she said that, so young yet so independent and strong for her age. I knew it was a right thing to keep her when there are others who asked me to ‘give’ her away when I first found out that I was expecting. If I’ve listened back then I would never be blessed with this wonderful angel of mine.