Hello, doc

Been seeing doctor more often than we would like to, after coming back from PD trip. Although I was only sick for a day and a night, both of my darlings aren’t so lucky; Hubs still has that nasty chesty cough that refuses to go away despite having it before the trip and countless of medicine and Ashley with a bout of cold, slight fever and this morning chesty cough as well! Anyway today we brought her to see her first paed, because she’s been complaining of a very bad shoulder pain and her shoulder blade actually juts out awkwardly when she bends her arm backwards.

I must say, I’m very proud of Ashley! Ok even though I wish we’d see less of both of her paed but still I still feel very proud that she’s very co-operative during the check ups. While waiting for our turn, she would usually play at the play area and when I told her it’s our turn soon, she would quickly keep the toys and wait patiently by my side. Once we go in she would wish the doc good morning before sitting on my lap again waiting patiently while the doc examines her. For this visit, she promptly bend her arms backwards when the doc asked her what’s wrong and even said ‘See, pain here’. Even the doc trainees were impressed with her *beams proudly* After that she would do some sort of yoga’s sun salutation thinking the doc still want to examine her back even though we didn’t ask her to. When asked to show her tongue and say ahh, again she did it without a fuss and when I asked if it’s alright for me to remove her top, she said OK cheerfully. And she just followed doc’s instructions when he asked her to do some arms movement. It was really cute to see her doing what the doc asked her to. And after that she would bid everyone good bye and she even said thank you without me asking her to. hehehe

I think you’d find me weird for being proud at such stuffs but I guess that’s just me, being a mother. Being proud at the smallest stuffs! Even when she was a baby, she wouldn’t cry longer than 10 secs after her monthly jab. Another proud moment. :D

OK, despite being only 2 years and 9 months old, Ashley’s had a few incidents and she has 2 scars to remind me to be more watchful over her. Earlier this year, she had a minor accident involving a lens cover at a playland and boy that’s the most heart stopping moment I’ve ever had in my life. At first we thought it’s just a nasty bump and suddenly blood started gushing from the small dent on her forehead, at that time all I can think of is to bundle her up in my arms and started running to the clinic nearby. And when I stood there shaking, watching the doc examine her and cried when he said it’s too severe for him to do anything and we had to rush her to the hospital. I was crying nonstop while hugging my poor baby and she, being a true trooper actually stopped crying and patted me on my back lovingly, as if saying it’s ok mommy. And she didn’t kick up a fuss when the doc examined her and didn’t even cry that much when they sedated her to prepare for the minor snitching. I tell you, my girl is 100x braver than her mommy!

And then last Oct, sigh, she fell and bumped her mouth against the bed’s headboard. All I can say when I see blood coming out from her mouth, NOT AGAIN!! At the hospital’s A&E dept went around showing her bloody gauze and proudly said ‘hey blood see blood!’ There I was crying and laughing at the same time. Hey I’m not a very emotional person, I just am one around my girl. She even said hi cheerfully to the same doc who did her snitches on the forehead (we’re now good friends with him, aiih) and she just laid there quietly with tears streaming down her cheeks (poor baby!) while the anaesthetist  administer the GA. She’s back to her good ole cheerful self after the minor op. The Angeline Jolie lips didn’t bother her that much at all. When we went back a couple weeks later to remove the thread, she only said Ouch while the doc cuts away the thread. If it were me, I would have kicked the doc in protest.

This was taken during her second well third hospital stay if you count the time she was in the special nursery care for a week after her birth

Well I hope there would be less visits to the hospital and clinic after this.

Sick

Aiiihhh just when I’m about to update my blogs with new posts on the family trip we had, new recipes and much more, I caught the year end cold-fever-achy body bug. I don’t usually fall sick that easily and when I do it’s really bad in fact my hubby would probably kill me now if he sees me at my laptop instead of resting on the bed. Really thankful for his new job that allows him to work from home; he’s been helping me out with Ashley. Ashley herself is such a gem, seeing her mommy’s not feeling well, she asked ‘ Mommy (are) you sick? See doctor, want? ‘ And every now and then she would come check on me, touching my forehead to see if I’m warm or just give me a hug. :) Sometimes she would even say, ‘Mommy, take your (medi)cine ok?’

Anyway I should be going back to bed, can hear he’s done bathing Ashley. Hopefully I’ll feel much better tomorrow.

Beaches, Sea, Sun

Here we come! Three days of fun and just the three of us :D Really need the year end break before the start of a brand new year. And 2010 is like a couple weeks away! Eeeks!

Tata!!

Being a mother

Sometimes can be quite overwhelming, especially when you’re a SAHM, where most part of your life revolves the life of your lil ones. There are days I yearn for my old life back; dancing away at clubs; lepakking at the mamak stalls; going to cyber cafes for CS (yea I know I’m that ancient if the only game I know how to play is CS); hanging out with friends. Now the only hanging out I do are with kids her age.

I’m not saying I resent my life as a mother, I love it. I really do but sometimes I wish there’s two of me or maybe three ok four hmm perhaps five?The mommy, the clubber, the working lady, the wife and err some other role.  Sometimes I just want a break from thinking what to cook for her, what books to read, what nursery rhymes to sing, those parenting stuffs and just do what I LIKE to do. It’s always unfair we mothers have to sacrifice where the daddies can still go out and do their stuffs, no?

There are even times I wish I can just drop whatever I’m doing and let my hair down and go partying. But sadly, I can’t because I have a daughter to tend to, and I can’t just leave her for others to look after can I.

I’m just in a ranting/foul mood because I got left out for my weekly poker session. So now have to utilize my Ashley’s-asleep-I’m-free-to-do-my-own-stuffs-while-still-at-home time listening and bobbing my head to clubbing songs. Hrmph.

It’s good

..to be back online with my own laptop! After nearly two weeks at the service centre, I finally collected it yesterday with minor cost incurred. Yay! Initially the guy said it could be due to a faulty motherboard and that itself would cost us more than RM1000 to replace it and perhaps another RM1000 for the screen if the problem still persists. But thank goodness it was just the graphic card and that’s under RM500. Either way I’m super glad to have my laptop back!

So many things to post; Ashley’s first day at art class – Really brought tears to my eyes when I see her trying to adapt to a new learning environment with other people aside from us; some rants; new foodie posts and so much more!

:)

MIA and endearing moments #2 and milestones #I lost count

If you noticed the lack of activities (posts) in my blog, it's not because I've gotten bored with blogging (never!) it's just that my old friend (lappie) has been sent for repair. Aiih initially thought it has to do with the broken casing, turns out to be the motherboard, and if after changing the motherboard the problem still persists, then have to change the LCD screen. Now waiting for the final diagnose to see how much does it cost to repair and contemplating to get a new one if the cost is too expensive.

So that's why things have been quiet for the past few days on both blogs :( but life still goes on :D . I've been spending most of my waking hours with the lil one and I cherish all those precious moments. Like yesterday, while playing puzzle with her, all of a sudden she looked up at me and said 'Mommy I love you'. I knew I made the right decision to quit from my job and be a SAHM :)

Ashley has been quite behind her peers when it comes to speech developments and recently she's been catching up and now she's able to string a few words to form a sentence. Hubby said Ashley has my cheekiness LOLespecially when yesterday I scolded her for something, she looked to my hubby and said Uh oh Mommy scold me with that naughty twinkle in her eyes. Hubby had a hard time trying to keep a straight/stern face. *shakes head*

Hopefully the next time I blog, I would have my laptop back although I don't mind having a brand new one though keke. Toodles!

The other woman

Some of you have heard me ranting about this nearly everyday (really sorry for having to bore you with the endless rant) should know how frustrated I am each time I caught the other woman trying to bond with my lil girl. And no I don’t mean my MIL (she’s family so it’s alright) I’m talking about the maid.

It’s very common these days for a household to have a maid and honestly I respect the parents decision to have one so that the maid would help out. Who are we kidding right, working and then having to rush back home to clean up the house, prepare meals, look after the kids etc so the maid’s a huge help for working parents. I won’t deny that but for me growing up without a maid and having to do the chores when I was younger, well I just couldn’t grasp the idea of having a total stranger coming to live with you and your family. I just don’t no matter how many out there that swore their lives are so much better now with a maid around.
And when I first met my husband, I had somewhat a culture shock; my inlaws have a couple of maids as they had a bedridden old lady (ahma) to look after and maids are much cheaper option than nursing homes. Imagine having someone else to do the dishes for you or wash your clothes it took me quite a while to get used to it. So when I got pregnant, my ILs suggested that I should hire a maid to help me look after the baby. I was totally affronted at the thought of having a someone who I don’t know at all to look after my child and I had a slight depression due to this. I didn’t rest well during my confinement because the first maid kept sneaking around trying to play or carry my girl without my consent and even though I tried to keep her busy with chores she would still try to get behind my back. I had enough of her, when she wanted to follow me back to Malacca after the confinement and even though I told her it’s ok, I have my mom to help me out she actually went and ask permission from my MIL! Ugh!

Things were pretty bad between me and that maid (mainly because she has an attitude problem – One of the reasons why whyyy I would never get a maid!), in the end we sent her back to the agency as we couldn’t handle any more of her nonsense. After the demise of ahma, we’re left with 2 maids and to be honest I don’t really have much problems with them in fact I kinda bonded with them. But ever since the birth of my baby I find one of the maid is well possessive over Ashley. There are times I’d caught her peeking from behind the curtains watching Ashley play in the porch, or she would stop whatever she’s doing and just stare at Ashley, or she would just mimic any sounds Ashley would make while walking pass her, or sometimes she would purposely go out of her way to go near Ashley and one of the things that unnerved me was that she would keep placing her hands on Ashley’s bottom when she’s younger. I just feel very uncomfortable with that. Of course no one sees this as a problem, they think I’m just being unreasonable and that I should trust the maid more afterall she’s been with the family for years. I used to cry over this, in fact I still do each time I caught her playing with Ashley or carrying Ashley without my consent. (Ok you’d probably think why should she get my permission if she wants to play or carry Ashley or whatever, well since the beginning I’ve made it very CLEAR that I should be the one and only me looking after my baby. From the day she was born till now I’ve been doing the washing of clothes, feeding utensils, toys, preparing of meals, everything myself. So those who think I have an easy life just because I have maids, think again!).

Why I cried? Because I can’t tell the maid not to do all the things I don’t wish her to do without hurting her feelings yet I’m conflicted because I feel very uncomfortable and plus the fact my husband doesn’t support me on this just upsets me even more. Each time I bring this up he would think that I purposely find fault in her and he even asked me once why do I have to be so stressed out over this. Sigh I can’t really blame him as he has always have a maid around while growing up so he doesn’t see what the fuss is all about. But I still resent him for not supporting me, it’s fine that he doesn’t want to tell the maid off but at least don’t give her a chance to spend time with my girl. When I asked him to play with Ashley while I do my stuffs, more than once he’ll just let the maid play with Ashley while he just sits there and read papers, or watch the tv (I secretly thinks the maid had everyone jampi-ed!) It irks me alot because if I wanted the maid to bond with my girl who I’ve carried to full term, gone through so much heartache and not to mention the labor pain! I would have just gone back to work instead of deciding to be a stay at home mother while enduring endless sarcastic/catty comments that I’m living the life of leisure with maids.

It hurts me alot a couple months back when Ashley would go looking for the maids to play with her while I was busy doing the chores or preparing her meals. These days I would just le the maid do some of the chores so that I can spend more time with her. Even when I casually share with others about the woes of motherhood they would always think that I shouldn’t even rant in the first place because being a mother with maids around just well doesn’t make me a mother at all. Imagine when I said I too find it really difficult having to do so many things while looking after my daughter and some of the girls would bluntly tell me this ‘ But you don’t have to clean up the whole house, the maids do it right?’ Don’t they think it’s already hard on me trying to fulfil my duties as a mother and a wife in a house that is not my home? Sigh.. sometimes I feel no one really understand the pain I’m going through and that I’m all alone :(

Play pretend

The journey in losing it all

I’ve been wanting to write about this on the first day I started but as always something sure to come up when I sat down to blog. And it’s already week 2!

All my life I’ve been struggling with my weight and it doesn’t help when I was always surrounded by food; having three wonderful cooks in the family. And to be honest I don’t think I was fat, more like chubby/ plump.  And it hurts even more when I was in the shadow of my friends, they would have guys going after that while I was called Dugong! I often laughed it off  with the others but deep inside it was very hurtful. Hence I was never a confident person and it affects my friendships back in the schooling days. Why? When you have a low self esteem, you’re always feeling as if the world’s against you, that your friends thinks bad about you, or you’re always walking on egg shells, trying to impress them, not being your true self.

Then I entered college, and I got noticed by guys for the first time. That boost my confidence quite abit, thinking hey I’m not that bad looking after all. I did very well in my studies, I was outspoken, I was very opinionated and all. But sadly things didn’t work out with my first relationship and so happened I just had a surgery then to remove one side of my fallopian tube. During that period of time, I lost quite a lot of weight and for the first time, I hit the 40kg mark on the scales. I maintained that with exercise (2 hours of jogging and weight lifting a day during the weekends) and I was feeling really good about myself. Now I’m not saying that I wish to be stick thin, I never was and never will; I have a huge bootilicious butt! :P and I prefer to be more toned up and I got that by exercising alot. I can’t say I was living healthily, cos I was a heavy smoker then (insert gasps of horror and shock) but still I wasn’t complaining. I had a few relationships and almost all of them were pretty good looking if I must say (ahh those were the days). I still remember one time I went clubbing wearing a bikini top and pants! :P

Then I met my husband, you know they always say if you found true happiness you’ll gain weight? Loosely translate from a Chinese proverb but I think more like when you’re in a stable committed relationship, you tend to let loose and slack off. Well that was what happened up to now, I was putting a kilo every month! From eating out often and not exercising during weekends cos I would be spending time over at his place. Initially I didn’t complain well I’m sure he would still love me no matter how I look like right? (ehehe) But then I got pregnant and oh gosh,although I love being a mommy I hate the weight it comes with. After I delivered Ashley I actually look pretty ok, I could still fit into a S sized dress although I have bulges here and there but yea I wasn’t complaining. Then after the wedding sigh ok, guess what I’m at my heaviest self in my life a whopping 66kg! Can you believe that?! I think I’m obscenely overweight and it’s not even funny ok?

I knew it’s time for me to lose weight and be determined at it, when I had to cut open one of my blouse because I couldn’t get it off! And I was having terrible mood swings associated with the weight gain, mainly because I hate myself, I didn’t like how I look, I hate shopping for clothes because I can’t never get one that fits me and then I’ll be very moody. I would have shortness of breath while chasing after Ashley, I didn’t like going to the park with her because I’ll end up tired and stuffs. I didn’t like this part of me at all. So when my hubby gave me our third anniversary pressie in a form of a make over, it fuel my determination in trying to lose 15 kg or at least be more toned up. And I have since tried to exercise everyday, eat healthier less snacking on junk food (which is my biggest weakness!) and I’m proud to say, after 2 weeks I’ve lost 2 kgs! woohoooo..

It’s not an easy journey I won’t lie but I know by end of the day I’ll reap from my hard work :)

And maybe just maybe I’ll jot down what I’ve done so far. :p

Endearing moment # 1

I thought I’ll write this down while it’s still fresh in my memory and while I have some time to spare to blog (busy with one thing and another)

I usually cuddle Ashley to sleep during her afternoon naps, and I would always kiss her forehead and the tip of her nose before telling her that I love her as she dozes off. Yesterday I pretended to be asleep, and this little girl of mine kissed my forehead and my nose while whispering Mommy I love You! I nearly ‘woke’ up from my ‘sleep’ but I just muttered to her I love you too darling. She hugs me tighter and fall asleep.

I just love being a mommy :)

p.s Thought I’d better start writing all these endearing moments down for memory sake although this isn’t the first. I remember when she first hugged and kissed me although not the exact day :(